Remembering to Breathe

Tomorrow is Chase's surgery. We've been through this, I know what to expect, everything will be OK. So why do I dread tomorrow and feel like I'm climbing the walls? I hate, hate, hate that he will be under anesthesia and be in surgery. I remember last time when they took him from my arms. I felt like I couldn't breathe and the walls were closing in. The tears came fast and hard. He was fine as they took him. He'd had his loopy juice and was giddy. I was devastated. He is older now, what if tomorrow he isn't OK when they take him. What if he cries? How will I let him go? What will I do? I'm not sure I can handle it.

The surgery itself was short, 20 minutes after they took him the surgeon was in the room talking to us and telling us everything went well. But those 20 minutes felt so long, like hours and hours. 20 minutes after that we were allowed into the recovery room and I scooped my baby up and rocked him while I cried even more... this time tears of relief. God I hate that we are having to do this again. I hate that tomorrow they will take him from me and I will watch as they carry him away. If only I can remember to breathe, maybe it'll be OK.

Please send prayers, for my Doodlebug and for me. Pray that his surgery will go smoothly and that he will do well. Pray that it will have no complications and will be successful. Pray that I remember to breathe and stay calm. Thank you.

Hugs,



**I am grateful for
1) this time tomorrow, surgery will be over
2) the prayers we will receive
3) a brave doodlebug
4) healing
5) bubble baths