Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Cutest Boy.... EVER (another shameless Mommy brag)

What can I say, definitely the cutest boy.... ever!

**I am grateful for
1) Even though Chase is not feeling well, we have insurance and a good doctor for him to go see tomorrow
2) We have the homecoming parade tomorrow if Chase is up to it, he will have so much fun riding on the float!
3) My little Doodlebug pictured above!
4) October is almost here!!
5) Laundry done, dishes done, clothes put up, time to relax :o)

Friday, September 26, 2008

13 weeks

I would have been 13 weeks today. I used to love Fridays. Now I almost hate them because they are like milestones that I'm not making. I wish I didn't think of these things, that I could stop. The "other" teacher was talking to me this afternoon and my friend asked her again when she was due. I blurted out, "She's due right before me." As soon as I said it I froze. Why did I say that? I quickly corrected myself , "She's due right before I was." After that I had to leave, I could feel the tears coming. It was an awful day, an awful week. That just fit right in.

I was told today that I have 2009 to look forward to because I'm doing IVF again. I don't look forward to it. I don't look forward to the pills, the shots, the patches, the hormones, the mood swings, the blood draws, the ultrasounds, the appointments, the money, the total invasion of life, the iv, the retrieval, the waiting, the hoping, the worry, the transfer, the waiting, the worry, the waiting, the bedrest, the restrictions, the waiting, the list goes on and on. I hate it. I hate every.single.minute of it! Of course I will do it, but God I don't want to. If it works, it's so worth it. If it doesn't work it's like having your heart broken a million times over. If it works and then you lose the baby or babies, it's like having your life sucked right out of you. I so don't look forward to it.

I am constantly grasping for the answer of why our babies were taken. The only explanation I can come up with is that Granny loved babies and the Lord felt she needed my babies to be there for her. I can't think of one other explanation. Perhaps that should give me comfort. She is holding her great-great grandchildren and they are holding her.

***I am grateful for
1) it's the weekend
2) a soft bed and a Tylenol PM (or 2), 11 hour days since returning after Ike are about to do me in
3) beautiful weather today
4) October starts my favorite time of year
5) tomorrow I'm spending the day w/Chase and perhaps we'll be lucky enough to meet up w/Duchess

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Close Only Counts in Hand Grenades and Horse Shoes

We have come so close to so many things. We came close to getting to the movie on time this last weekend with Chase, but then it turns out we missed that by mere minutes. We came close to having a clean house, but having a three year old pretty much means that just isn't going to happen. We came close to starting swim class this week, but due to damage it was canceled until November. We came close to having another child, in fact we came close to having two more children, but then they went to heaven. We came close to escaping Ike with no damage, but then we got the phone call that our Running Bear house does have roof damage and now there's a leak. Close, so very close.

**I am grateful for
1) Texas will recover, the coast will rebuild, and everyone will be OK.
2) We have a cool/dry front coming.... goodbye humidity (for a day or two anyway)
3) Two more days until the weekend
4) Chase is slowly getting back on schedule
5) We have electricity again, it only took 8 days!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Turns out Ike knew exactly what he was doing....

just took us a bit to figure it all out. First let me say thank you for all the emails and phone calls to check on us. I am trying to get all my calls returned (Kelley if you read this tonight I will call you tomorrow)! We survived and even better, we survived with no major damage as did our family and friends. I will say that I will be more than happy to NOT go through another major hurricane in my lifetime! Poor Chase is only 3 1/2 and this is his 2ND, so what is UP with that? We really thought we were going to be OK and miss the worst of it. Never can predict Texas weather... or apparently hurricanes for that matter.

As for the storm itself, it has certainly left it's mark on Texas. We decided to stay downstairs Friday night and spent an evening of listening to winds that sounded like they were going to rip the house down around us and looking out the window only to see darkness. I'll be completely honest though, I think it was better that Ike rolled in during the night because what remained the next morning was not a pretty site. We were so very lucky. I will never forget laying there in the dark and listening to the sound of that wind. It was so strong and sounded so angry. The rain just beat against the house and sounded like it was trying to get in with all its might. It was a haunting sound that made your imagination run wild. We kept the TV on and constantly checked the track of the storm as long as we could. It was headed right over us, so I expected it to be rough. But I never expected it to be like it was. It was such a scary thing. I can't imagine how it would have been to be where it made landfall.

My mom got a tree on our townhouse, but other than scraping some paint and a leaky window it looks like it's all OK. We lost part of a tree at our rent house, but it missed everything. Our Bighorn house (the one we live in) was fine, just debris in the yard. Jeff's parents lost a lot of limbs, but no damage. It turns out it was a good thing we didn't go over there during the storm because a huge cedar branch fell right where we would have parked. Someone guided us in the right direction when it came to making the choice of staying home. We did lose our power at about 4:45 am and still do not have it. That sucks, but it could be worse. We went to Jeff's parents on Saturday afternoon because they had a generator and a window unit. However, we got a cold front and the weather is cool for Texas in September. My brother drove to MS and brought back three generators. That was awesome of him because I know it was a long, tough trip. He is Chase's hero right now since the bringing of the generator meant the TV was back on. Chase sure missed his Disney shows! We also got running water back today, so that was pretty exciting. It may be cold but we can shower and flush the toilet so rock on baby! Plus we got our phones back today, so I was able to finally get online with dial-up, guess I really shouldn't knock how slow it is since it's all I have right now! School is out for the week due the power, who knows what next week will bring. I'm certainly ready to go back and get life back to normal! We've heard it could anywhere from days to weeks before the power is back. I'm hoping that they just say weeks so that when they get it back on quick they will look really good!

This last month has been such an up and down one. With miscarrying the twins that we so desperately wanted to being spared any major damage with Ike, it has been a whirlwind. So many times lately I have asked myself, "Does God even hear our prayers?" I thought for sure he must not. How could he if he took my babies? I prayed for them. I prayed for a healthy pregnancy, I prayed that everything would be OK. Surely he must not have heard me. However, as I laid there with my most precious possession in the world just a few feet away from me, peacefully sleeping while the rain and winds raged outside my house in the dark hours of Saturday morning, I prayed even more. I prayed that my family would be safe, that my friends would be safe. I prayed that God would hear me, that he would answer these prayers, that everything would be OK... and God did hear me. I know he did, because those prayers were answered. I don't know why some are and some aren't, but I do know that he does hear them. And I also know that I'll keep praying now.

Since we finally got to turn on the TV for the first time yesterday I have seen so many sad pictures. Places that I have been so many times on the coast are now completely gone, it's as if they never even existed. I think of the people that lost so much, lost everything. I can't even imagine. I pray that they know God hears their prayers, sees every tear that falls and knows their every thought. It may not seem like it now, but he does. He has not abandoned them, even if it feels like he has.

I don't even know how to end this post. It is so scattered, so unorganized. I had so much to say, but no clue how to say it. It seems so sad when I go back to read it, yet it's not meant to be. I guess I'll end it with the funniest thing that has happened during all of this. In the wee hours of the morning, as Ike barrelled through our small town, Chase sat up without ever opening his eyes. He started screaming hysterically and this is what he said, "I'm getting rained on!!! Daddy at ALL of my cookies.... and he drank my milk! It is not OK, it is not OK! Daddy ate all of my cookies and drank my milk!" Then after some coaxing and convincing that no, Daddy had not eaten them, he laid right back down. Geez Daddy, I think you need to quit eating his cookies, you're "freaking" him out! (hahaha, those that know us everyday, will TOTALLY get that)

***I am grateful for
1) Ike is gone and we are all OK
2) someday we will get power again!
3) William and the generator
4) dial-up
5) God does hear prayers

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

When one is lost....

"Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here?"

Today was a tough day. It's been almost a month since losing the babies.... I thought things would have gotten much easier by now. Sometimes it's so hard to keep it all inside, I can't get it out of my thoughts. I feel so.very.lost.

***I am grateful for
1) The gas tank is full and we have our supplies since Ike is surely going to let us know of his presence
2) Two more days until the weekend.
3) In my heart I know we will have another baby... some day
4) My mom should be able to fly back home before Ike makes landfall
5) a smaller class, it was almost like my own slice of heaven

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


My mother's grandmother, my great-grandmother, Chase's great-great grandmother, passed away last night. When we saw her on Saturday she did not look like the Granny I had known growing up. She was so thin, had not been able to eat in days, and could not move. I remember the short, plump granny with the big bun of white hair on her head. We did get a 5 generation picture, but I do not have it on the computer yet. It was a happy/sad moment for sure. My heart breaks for my mother at the thought of losing her last grandparent, but I am relieved to know she is not suffering and has gone on to a better place. Sometimes prayers are answered, even when those answers are painful to face.

***I am grateful for
1) tomorrow is hump day
2) our new teacher starts w/her class tomorrow, yeah baby!
3) Doodlebug was full of kisses and hugs today
4) I know there are lots of prayers about Ike right now, looking a little scary
5) Granny is no longer suffering

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Lots of pictures

Every since we purchased the new digital camera the old one has pretty much become a back-up. For a few weeks we weren't even sure where it was but then we found it under the seat in the Tahoe. Exactly where it should be, right? Anyway, here are some cute pictures that had been hiding on there. I really need to remember to upload those when we use it. Most are from the 4th of July at the beach and then just a few other proud Mommy brags. We figured since we were at the water we should use the old camera just in case something happened... because you know that 9 times out of 10, it always does!

Chase LOVES to swim, perhaps he'll be the next Phe.lps? He takes swim class at our local rec center and then they also have a fun pool (I have no clue what it's really called) that has the water slide, etc. I think we'll have to buy a pass next summer!

He is always so peaceful when he is sleeping, I wish I could sleep like that. He does move a lot, earlier he had been totally upside. Doesn't he look completely relaxed?

Chase loves the old camera because he knows how to work it all on his own. After about a half hour of him taking pictures of anything and everything, he agreed to take one with Mommy. I'm usually the one behind the camera and don't get many pics of myself up here so what the heck... nothing like a little close up!

An adorable picture from Disney World, he is SO photogenic! How can you not smile looking at this... kinda just makes me get all tingly and happy inside!

Now for all the beach pics from the 4th. Here is Chase catching his very own fish on his Scooby pole. I can tell he'll be a total fisherman like his Daddy.

Flying his kite on the beach.

Looking for seashells.

A happy boy!

Three generations, I love these pictures!

Found a keeper!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. We are off to visit my great-grandmother and some other family. This is Chase's great-great grandmother and will be his first hello with her and unfortunately it will also be his goodbye as she is not doing well. We are taking a 5-generation picture and I am very excited about that. It is rare to have 5 generations alive at once, it will be very special.

***I am grateful for
1) beautiful weather
2) another school week down, only 2 more days with a HUGE class
3) all the laundry is done and now just has to be folded and put away (Jeff rocks)
4) the oil is changed in the Tahoe
5) five generations, those two words say it all

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Nothing like lickin' the spoon.

Nothing like a spoon covered in brownie batter to lick....

and of course you can't forget the icing and sprinkles when they are done baking and cooled off (ignore the messy counter and please note the big boy underwear... we are pottytrained!)...

Followed by some cool jammies and a game of hide and peek. Gotta love those times.

Just an added bonus of The Apple Dumplin' Gang when we went to see The Back.yardigans LIVE, boy do they look like trouble or what?! ;o)

***I am grateful for
1) Tomorrow is Friday!
2) Chase is home w/Jeff tomorrow so no rushing in the morning and maybe an extra 10 minutes of sleep??? Probably not
3) our new teacher is on the way to give us relief... so we are told
4) the weather today was awesome
5) did I mention tomorrow is Friday yet?

Monday, September 1, 2008

That should've been me.

Today we went to Chick.Fil.a for lunch w/Duchess before she headed to The Naval Academy in Maryland for work. When we walked in there was a lady with a newborn baby. I had the overwhelming urge to grab the baby and run... but I resisted. When we sat down we noticed that the baby was in fact one of five children. Two boys that were about 4 and 5, the baby girl who was VERY new, and then a set of almost 23 month old twin boys. All I could think was that should have been me in two years, I should have twins too. I hate this. I really, really hate this.

***I am grateful for
1) my grandparents are w/o power due to the hurricane, but are OK
2) it will be a 4 day work week
3) we got some rain and more is expected
4) clean sheets on the beds
5) the downstairs is still pretty clean, even after three straight days of Tornado Chase