I know that I have reached absolute "Mommyhood" when 10 minutes after dropping Chase off at the sitter I realize that I'm still listening to The Doodlebops... and singing along. Get On The Bus anyone?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Last night went smoothly in the sleep department, if you don't count the fact that Chase was in bed awake until about 11... with me awake beside him. I have never seen a child that can fight sleep like he can. My mother claims that I fought sleep too when I was his age, but I'm not sure if I believe her because I love to sleep now and can't imagine not loving it as a child. I actually blame the sleep-fighting gene that Chase inherited on his father because Jeff will fight sleep tooth and nail, much like his son. Anyhow, the point was that after a very weary afternoon Chase's ear has not seemed to really bother him. It has been draining nonstop but he has not mentioned it hurting and even told me it didn't when I asked him if it did. It really made me wonder if his eardrum had ruptured because I've heard that a rupturing eardrum is very painful until it actually ruptures, then you feel a sense of relief.
I did call the ENT at 8:30 this morning and as luck would have it the one we had been seeing was out today (deja vu anyone?). So, I called our regular ENT and they said he definitely needed to be seen today and could I be there at 2:15. Absolutely, I'll just let my kids teach themselves for the afternoon, I mean they are almost all 7 by now. Fortunately I have an awesome aide, a super principal, and a fantastic team teacher that pulled together and I was able to make the appointment. I owe them... big.
Jeff picked up Chase and I met them there. I noticed Chase's ear was not draining and Jeff said he had wiped it off when they arrived, but that it had been draining. Dr. N came it and said that the left ear (our problem ear) is looking good, although that pesky little scab is still there making it impossible to see the tube. He doesn't seem to think the tube has turned after all so that was a plus for us! As for his right ear, he couldn't say for sure what is going on, but he does have a theory. He thinks that the tube had gotten clogged which caused pressure to build up, hence the enormous amount of pain that Chase had yesterday. Eventually the clog got so much pressure behind it that is basically blew through, i.e. the draining. Good news is the tube is doing exactly what it is meant to do. We are going to do one more round of antibiotics in the evenings and then go in for a recheck in one week. See, I knew we weren't done with these antibiotics yet! All in all it was a good appointment and I have a feeling maybe we are on the downhill slide... or at least I hope we are!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Do you ever say something and then later an occurrence takes you immediately back to your statement and you think.... why did I say that, surely I knew I'd jinx myself!! Well, not unsurprisingly that has happened. Upon leaving work Friday afternoon I was asked how Chase's ear was. At the time, he was doing splendid. I commented back that he was doing good, but they should ask me again on Monday as we all know that if something is going to happen, it's going to happen over the weekend. Why do I say that kind of thing?
After a great day yesterday we got up this morning, went to church, and things seemed well. After church we headed off to lunch. I've said before that Chase is not a complainer, so when he does complain it's never a good sign. Driving down the road I heard it. The smallest complaint. "Mommy, my ear hurts." NO!!!! I turned around to see my Doodlebug yanking at his right ear... the one that got the, "right ear still looks really good" just hours ago on Thursday afternoon. Within minutes his small complaint had turned more into a scream of desperation for me to do something to make it stop hurting. We arrived at our destination and quickly gave some Motrim praying that it would help and he'd feel better soon. I knew Chase was tired from the busy day before, but the way he was acting told me it was more than just tired, he was hurting. As I looked closer I saw an all too familiar site. His ear was draining and not a clear draining, more a bloody (yes, TMI) ooze.
We have opted to start the antibiotic ear drops in his ear and bypass the emergency room because we are doing all they can. His ear is draining which means the tube is working and they will just tell us to use Motrim for pain, which we are doing. My insurance is crappy, but at least it's a PPO which means we can go straight to the ENT tomorrow w/out going through the pedi. I just can't believe that we've gone from having the left ear giving us all kinds of hell to the right ear. Oh my stinkin' heck.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
There is a person that I see on a daily basis (well Monday through Friday, I'm sure you can figure it out) that is a complete and total... well idiot to put is nicely. I mean I suppose she can't help it, but just the same she is. She is one of those "I know it all" kind of people and reality is that she doesn't know half as much as she thinks she does. I do not like those kind of people one.tiny.bit. I try, but I just can't.
On Friday there was a new movie opening called Baby Momma or something like that, surely you've seen the advertisements. Without going in to the full story line from what I know it's about a woman who can't carry her own baby so she hires a white-trash surrogate to carry it for her. Now being a IF conqueror (how do you like the way I put that), IF is certainly a very touchy subject in my book. And being that IF is a touchy subject, I certainly don't feel like it should 1) be taken lightly or 2) be made the butt of a joke in a movie. Now Jeff and I beat the odds and have a child of our own that I carried. One day, God willing, we'll have another child that I carry. However, we have met several during our IF journey that have become good friends and unfortunately will never be able to carry their own child for one reason or another. This movie is really hurting them... and I don't like that at all.
In a meeting on Friday among a small group of people, for kicks let's just say it was the first grade team meeting... OK, it was the first grade team meeting, this movie was brought up and how hysterical it looked. Everyone knows what we have gone through in this last year (first our negative and then our loss) and everyone also knows that another teacher's daughter is going through IF right now and she is really struggling with it all, so I was a little shocked by this topic. Being the opinionated person I am I quickly piped up and said that I didn't think this was a *hysterical* subject at all and that there were a lot of people hurt by this movie. Dumbass... er I mean idiot, then went on to tell me that I just needed to move on and couldn't be offended by movies. Excuse me??? As I went on to explain that I can be offended by whatever I want and that one of my biggest issues were my friends that were hurt by this movie she told me that I just needed to tell them not to see the movie. Oh yeah, there's the solution... why didn't I think of that?
Seeing as how I was talking to an idiot after all I told her to let it go since she would never understand something she hadn't experienced and she responded with that if it came to spending all that money on IF she would just adopt and give a child that was already born and needed parents a home. Ugh, last straw. If anyone knows of a healthy, Caucasian baby boy or girl, that has mine and Jeff's genes (you know, since that's what we want and have a right to want, just like those not suffering though this horrible disease of IF want) please let me know. Because I'm willing to give him/her a home. At that point all I could do was tell her that I pray she is never faced with IF because let's face it, we all know she couldn't handle a path that tough (OK, I didn't say the last part, but I really, REALLY wanted to).
I'll just have to keep reminding myself that some people are just idiots and after all the opening of their mouth, usually involved the insertion of a foot.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
it's a sign that they are big enough to be potty trained when they can put on their own diaper (and it's on right)?? Chase is not afraid on the potty and is more than happy to use it... if he's not busy playing, or watching a movie, or running around like a banshee. In those times, he's more than happy to use his diaper. Our pediatrician assures us that this is the one thing he has control of and when he's ready he'll start going potty on the potty all the time. Our sitter assures us that Chase is doing great and uses the potty all day long at her house. I assure us that I've yet to have a first grader not potty trained, so surely our day will come. However, tonight when Chase got out of the tub and put on his own diaper, doing a better job that I do half the time, I decided I wasn't sure so. That couldn't possibly be a good sign.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
There is a fine line between genius and insanity, I have erased this line. - Oscar Levant
You know, I really think this is true... even more so, sometimes I wonder if I've crossed it.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Apparently looks can be deceiving, especially when it comes to ears. I mean seriously, what was I thinking? We've only been at this ear infection for three weeks and gone through three rounds of antibiotics, do I really feel we have enough fun?!?!
Good news is Chase passed his hearing test with flying colors (and he knows all of his body parts just in case you are interested). Bad news it we are having to go on to round four of antibiotics. I can't remember what the particular bacteria is called and the paper is out in the Tahoe (as in downstairs and outside, where I have no intentions of going this evening) so I'll have to wing it from what I remember. Whatever the name is, it used to be really scary whenever the name came up. Now it's not *as* scary, just a little scary.... hey, I didn't make this up, this was the conversation I had earlier today at the ENT. Basically this particular bacteria attaches itself to things and it's very difficult to clear up. To make it harder, in children it can only be treated via IV or drops because children can not take oral cipro. Chase is a good ear drop taker, so I'm cool with that part but man think of all the money we wasted on oral antibiotics! The fear is that it has attached itself to his tube and although it looks good, may still be there. So what that means is one minute it could look great and then 24 hours later we could have a ragin' ear infection on our hands.... sound familiar?
Our other problem is that although Chase's tube was draining like it should just a mere week ago, this infection has caused it to rotate. Chances are that due to this rotation it will no longer drain like it should. That's bad, in fact, that's really bad since the tubes were put in to help with the draining in the first place. Rats. He also has what is left of his ear infection sitting right in front of his ear drum and to drain it would require a much more in depth procedure than last time. Not to mention the pressure that it's putting on his ear drum is probably going to be painful... did I say rats already? My poor Doodlebug.
We've decided to start round four of antibiotics and he will go back on May 6th for another check. If we notice signs of an ear infection between now and then (or even after then) we are to get him to his pedi or the ENT that day. If we go to the pedi, we have to have a culture ran stat. If it comes back as the same bacteria, we will schedule to have his tube removed and replaced as soon as possible.
Who wants to make bets on if we'll have to hit five rounds of antibiotics before this is over???
Monday, April 21, 2008
Tomorrow afternoon Chase gets his ears rechecked. We've done three rounds of antibiotics and have been dealing with this for four weeks. I *think* it looks good, he says it feels good, so maybe we've beat it. Wish us luck!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Some days I feel as if I'm treading water and just barely afloat. Today was one of those days.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Since purchasing our boat two summers ago, we are adamant that Chase learn how to swim and not fear the water. The thought of a child not knowing how to swim scares me. When Chase was old enough we promptly enrolled him in a "Water Babies" class. Chase has now graduated from "Water Babies" to "Water Sprites." The biggest difference is he now works independently with an instructor whereas before one of us was in the water with him. The class meets twice a week for 30 minutes and they learn the basics (floating, dog paddle, that sort of thing). Chase loves the water and after warming up to Ms. Jen he is more than happy to do as he is asked and let her work with him.
Thanks to our ragin' ear infection we were told that while they want us to continue swim class, that he needs to keep his ears out of the water and make sure his plugs are always in. In reality, pool water is better because it's chlorinated, bath water is bad news. We always, always have plugs. In fact, we went with the more expensive fitted ones from the ENT just to be safe.
There are only four kids in Chase's class, one of which is his best buddy, Cade. Cade and Chase have been at the same sitter since Chase was five months old and Cade is only four months older. Cade's mom is one of my best friends, so it was just natural for Chase and Cade to be best friends. Now as best friends go, they are very rough.
During the class the parents sit away from the kids so that they will work and not be distracted by mom and dad. One of us tends to always stay in site, just to be safe, but we try to maintain distance at the same time. Yesterday while waiting for their turn to jump in to Ms. Jen and swim out and back, the boys started playing pretty rough. There is a lifeguard right there, but things just happen so quickly. In the blink of an eye Chase was in the water. I'm not 100% sure of the whole story because I didn't see it.... thank God! But I was told during the horseplay Chase bent over to touch the water and one push from Cade was all it took. Ms. Jen was almost immediately there to scoop him out of the water and I'm not sure who it scared more. Chase was fine, although very MAD at Cade for pushing him in. Cade was terrified because he saw Chase go in and knew it was his fault. Ms. Jen felt awful that Chase's ears had gone under. I was just relived that Chase was ok and knew to hold his breath when he hit the water!
I swear I feel the grays sprouting daily!!! Sink or swim baby, sink or swim.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The last few days seem like a blur. After another sleepless night on Sunday I called in for a sub for yesterday because there was no way Doodlebug was going to make it until I could get him in for an appointment. So being the determined mother that I am, Chase and I came up to the school long enough to get ready for a sub and then headed off to the ENT. I figured if I arrived on their doorstep with my child and his oozing ear then there was no way they could turn me away. Unless of course the ENT was off for the day... which he was. Gotta love my luck. I was told they would be more than happy to fit him on Tuesday and then was asked the question that made me want to slap her... "is it draining?" What? Seriously? You can't see that thick greenish yellowish stuff that is literally dripping on to your floor right.this.very.MINUTE?!?!?! Needless to say I was quickly given an appointment with the ENT one town down the road... thank you very much!
After making it the the alternative ENT is record time we were called back. I really feared what was going to happen because I knew they were going to have to drain his ear. However, the PA was awesome!! Chase has Mickey with us and she did everything on Mickey first, showing Chase that it didn't hurt. He sat in the chair all by himself and only told me once that he was scared, but even then he didn't try to get down. I found out lots of things during this time. 1) Oral Antibiotics are 1000 times stronger than antibiotic drops, but drops go right to the infection and 40% more effective, 2) if we get any more ear infections I will automatically ask for drops, 3) Chase's ear was completely clogged, 4) we are dealing with a resistant infection, 5) his tube will probably come out due this infection, and 6) my kid totally rocks. When it came time to suction his ear, I got in the chair and Chase got in my lap. She showed Chase exactly what she was going to do by doing it on Mickey. Unfortunately the scary thing is it's really loud next to their eardrum, but it's very quick. He leaned his head back on me and never made one single peep during the whole process. What a big, brave boy I have!!!! I was so proud of him!!!
Last night he begged me not to touch it as I tried to clean the goop and screamed that he didn't want me to hurt him, which about killed me. Tonight he did much better. Right now we are waiting on the resistance culture to come back and then we have a recheck scheduled for Tuesday. Hopefully we'll go in and find out that the infection is cleared, if not we'll be put on another antibiotic (#4) and go from there. My biggest fear is if the the tube comes out and we have to have anther put in we are looking at the build-up of scar tissue. Right now I'm trying not to think of think of that and just praying we'll get some really, really good news next week. He told me today that his ear felt better, that's gotta be a good sign... right?
Sunday, April 13, 2008
A lot can change in 60 hours. 60 hours is how long it took from hearing, "not only do I think the tube is actually still in after all, it looks like his ear is really clearing up" at our appointment with the pediatrician on Thursday afternoon to hearing, "there is so much drainage that I really can't see in there, he'll need to go to his ENT on Monday and I'll call in a stronger antibiotic until then" at the emergency clinic this morning. What happened?
When we left the pediatrician on Thursday I was over-the-moon happy that it looked like we had licked the ear infection with one round of a mild antibiotic. ONE ROUND!!!!! Then Friday there was a slight drainage that was clear. Chase was with his Memaw, so we had a antibiotic eardrop called in and I really figured that at $95 for a 7.5 mL bottle (that is way small for those not good with measurements... like me) it had to be some really good stuff. By the time I saw Chase late Saturday morning the drainage had gone from clear to thick and greenish. Yuck. Needless to say after a very long night, a very unhappy toddler, and a very sad Mommy we made our way to the ER. I've called in for a sub tomorrow and will run to work long enough to pull stuff together for the day before I head to the ENT to see what needs to be done. I'm determined he'll be seen tomorrow, even if it means sitting in the waiting room all day long. I can't believe I actually thought we had it licked with one round of antibiotics... what was I thinking?
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Today we went to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate Memaw's birthday. Memaw, for those that don't know, is Jeff's mother. Chase is adamant that no matter who you are, you WANT to celebrate your birthday at Chuck E. Cheese's, so that's what we do. Normally this is not a problem but either the fact that the teacher I work with that is due just a week before we would have been is really starting to show or the fact that I feel like in just a few months I'll be turning 32 which puts me one year closer to being that dreaded age of 35 (you know, when apparently your body goes to crap and your eggs go sour or something of that affect) is really doing a number on me. I swear that there must have been 50 women in there with brand-new babies or pregnant and glowing. It made me want to run straight out the door. *sigh* That should be me.
I think about life and tell myself we did everything right. We dated, got engaged, got married, built a house, graduated from college, had steady, good jobs, then decided we wanted to start a family. Perhaps if we took our wedding rings off, went to a bar, pretended not to know each other, went to a sleazy motel, and had meaningless sex I'd get knocked up. (Sorry Mom, just ignore that sex part.) I just want a healthy baby, why does it have to be so damn hard?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
7 little words, "Look Mom, I pooped a Pirate Ship!"
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
When Chase was little Jeff wondered if we would ever be able to teach that child manners. As with all small children Chase lived/lives in a very egocentric society. In his eyes he was/is the center of the universe.... you only thought the world revolved around the sun. If we're being honest, which I try to be, I have often wondered myself if I would have the child that the others teachers talked about because they were just so bad.
As Chase has grown we have celebrated the milestones like learning "thank you" and "God Bless You" when someone sneezes, etc. " Please" has become a regular word and we are working on that whole sharing thing, but boy is it tough. However, the thing that has made me realize that it really is going to be OK and yes, he will have good manners are these two simple words that he puts in front of almost everything he asks for, "May I?" To see those big blue eyes and that sweet, sweet face looking at you and hear a phrase like, "May I please have a drink of your Pepper Dr.?" there is simply no way to resist. I'm trying to figure out if he knows this and that's why he's using it or perhaps we really are getting this parenting thing down after all.
Monday, April 7, 2008
I really try not to talk about work too much on here for several reasons. 1) I'm a teacher and you just don't do that kind of stuff, 2) I would hate to mouth off about someone and then that person come across my blog (hey, you know that happens), 3) I'm pretty sure that I'd be breaking a rule somewhere because I have no doubt that among everything I've signed over the years there was bound to be a confidentiality agreement in there somewhere, and 4) it's really not all that interesting (let's face it, poor Chase will so not want me talking to his class when Career Week comes along). Don't get me wrong, I like my job 99% of the time. I wasn't one of those little girls who dreamed of being a teacher when I grew up, but that's what happened and overall I'm glad it did... because I adore summers off.
Hmmmm, maybe that doesn't really sound good. Let's go at this from another angle. Teaching first grade is likely the hardest teaching position that I can think of. I'm not saying that other grades don't work their hineys (how's that for a teacher word) off during the year, but first grade teachers work harder than any other grade. I've taught other grades, so I feel I have the right to say this. Seriously, think about it. At the beginning of the school year you get children that are barely six in most cases, 75% (or more) can't even read words bigger than cat and in all reality that's really a very generous number because it's probably more like 50%. I always come home sweating, hyperventilating and hysterical after the first rounds of testing because, "Good God these kids can't read, how am I going to do this... I think I'm going to die!" Jeff is very good about assuring me that the year before was the same and by the end of this school year they will not only be reading, they will be writing, comprehending, and even enjoying it as they do it. He is always right (when it comes to this, let's not be too generous and get him thinking that I mean he is ALWAYS right).
The end of the year is by far the most rewarding part of the school year because the students that came to you and couldn't spit out the word "a" (yes, I've had this happen) are now reading pages that have paragraph upon paragraph on them... and it's because you taught them. ***pat on the back***
Now as much as I enjoy these sweet rewards, three years ago I was given a position in a lab where students that were struggling and needed extra help would come and work in small groups. I LOVED this. I got to work w/the students from all the grades so I was still involved with the kids, but I had no lesson plans, no grading, no parents to deal with, no lesson plans, no grading... see where I'm going w/this? It was A.W.E.S.O.M.E. However, apparently all good things must come to an end and we received a new principal one year into my assignment that brought her BFF (ha, I've been waiting to use that!) in and put her in my spot. Hence, putting me right back in the classroom and having to do lesson plans, grade papers, and deal with parents. *sigh* Being the fantastic team player I am I sucked it up and jumped right back into things - right back in to first grade and right back to my old school - that would teach them.
As things work out my campus was going to have this particular position open again next year and I wanted it bad. I mean who wouldn't???? No lesson plans, no grades, no parents, get to work w/all the kids in small groups.... the perfect position! I actually thought I had it. The principal had come to me to see if I was interested, our future principal had talked to me about it and sent me to a workshop that I would be able to use for it, I mean I seriously thought it was in the bag... right up until Friday when I counted my chickens too soon and felt a stinging in my back when I learned that it was not being given to me. *sigh, sniffle, sigh* I didn't ask why or who got it, I just took the news with a smile and went back to my room to cry. No seriously, I didn't cry, but I was VERY disappointed.
So, it looks like I'll be teaching first grade again next year. This has it's ups - I know what I'm doing and obviously I kick ass doing it (that's called tooting my own horn) and it's downs - did I mention how tough of a grade it is to teach? I guess I'm just going to grow old in first grade, man I had really hoped I was going to pass (that's for you Mom). Oh well, easy come, easy
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I know that there are people reading this blog. I know that because I get emails about things I post, I see the site meter counting hits, and I even occasionally get a comment. However, since the comments on the actual blog are few and far between I decided I would just start spying on you and see who is really reading. I signed up for site meter and off we went. Turns out we have LOTS of people viewing that I have no clue who you are. In fact, we have people from California to Canada to Mississippi. Although it doesn't give me actual names I could figure out some of you by the cities/states, but there are a lot that I'm not sure about. So, fess up, leave me a note, keep me company. :o) Who are you???
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Now I am a teacher and I know things. I know that there are 365 days in a year, 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute. This means that there is a grand total of 31,536,000 seconds every year for me to accomplish all the things in my life that I need to do... if I counted it right. However, the one thing I do not know is how, with all this time that I apparently have, do I not get everything done that I should. Where is my time going?
Sometimes I seriously feel like I am drowning and will never reach the surface. At work I look around and see other teachers leaving right at 3:45, yet I never make it out of there before 5:00 and even then I still have work to do. How do they do it? At home I always seem to have dishes in the sink, toys on the floor, laundry to be done and folded, errands to be run, bills to be paid, checkbooks to be balanced... you get the picture. Yet I go to other peoples' houses and they are spotless and the people have time to spare. Seriously, what am I doing wrong? Some days I just want to stay in bed and hide under the covers because I'm simply.so.exhausted. Any ideas/suggestions (maybe a live in house keeper/bill payer/errand runner)? Perhaps it's just time to put the old horse down.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Last night when we were putting Chase to bed he told me his mouth hurt. I really thought nothing more of it because he never mentioned it again. Then at about 2:00 this morning I heard him moving around and making that, "I don't feel so hot" moaning sound. Never good, especially at 2:00 a.m. After about an hour of this Jeff brought him in to our room and he immediately told me again that his mouth hurt before starting to cry.
Now anyone who knows Chase knows that he is about as happy as they come and he never complains. He inherited my pain tolerance and not to brag, but it's about as high of a tolerance as you could get. We gave him Motrim and eventually got him back to sleep, only to have him wake up about 30 minutes later crying and complaining. I noticed that when he fell asleep he was holding his left ear... another not so good sign. I asked if his ear hurt and he said yes, he also told Jeff that his throat/neck area hurt when Jeff touched it. After only getting about 2 hours of sleep and having a very sad, crying toddler begging me, "not to weave him" we decided a Dr's visit was definitely in order. Since getting ready for a sub is like an act of God, Jeff took off to take him.
A week and a half ago we went in for his three year checkup and his ears/tubes checked out great so needless to say, I was taken a little off guard with his appointment. It turns out that Chase's left tube has come out and is basically stuck in his ear canal. The tube is too far in and there is wax around it, so there is no getting it out. This side has always had a blood scab (I know, gross) over it since he got his tubes last April and I can't help but wonder if this has something to do with what we're experiencing now. Until now the only problem we'd had is it causing him to fail his hearing test because vibrations were not bouncing off it - so it was not a true result. His right ear also had fluid in it, but the tube is there and doing it's job.
So what happens now you ask? Well, for those that remember, Chase didn't get tubes because he was a chronic ear infection baby, he got them because we have a VERY difficult time clearing his infections up. He's had two before now. The first took five weeks and three antibiotics to clear up and the second took nine weeks and six antibiotics before he started experiencing hearing loss and we got the tubes. In 10 days I will take him back in and have his ears checked. Hopefully the tube will have come out and the infection cleared up. If it hasn't or if the infection goes away and the comes back, we are looking at getting tubes put back in. Oh those pesky tubes.... how dare they do this to MY baby! Send us a prayer for good news at his recheck, we could use them!