Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles!

We all know that Chase is one smart and talented cookie, but tonight he added to his list of talents. *drumroll please* Tonight Chase learned out to blow bubbles! I think that is pretty impressive for a three year old and oh-so-cute! He is very proud of his new skill and thinks it's hysterical when they pop on his face. I have a feeling we are going to be going through lots of Hubba Bubba around here!






**I am grateful for
1) bubbles
2) decorating
3) making memories
4) new talents
5) proud moments

**Armadillo Eggs really are coming soon, this post was just so much more fun!!!!**

Tis the Season

One more day and it's back to work, where did the break go??? Good news is only three weeks until Christmas breaks, bad news is the next three weeks will be like trying to corral 18 wild cats!

Thanksgiving was great and Chase actually spent the night with Duchess and Madison, so Jeff and I were able to sleep in. Yes, sleep IN... can you believe it? We slept until 9:30, how crazy is that? I have not done that in forever and it was so nice. We even skipped the Black Friday sales because 1) I have no money to blow, 2) my bed was calling my name, and 3) well, I have no money to blow and my bed was calling my name! Besides, no kid in the house means staying up late, if you know what I mean (ah hem). ;o)

Chase is doing great post-op, thank you all for asking! He did throw up this morning and has a cough, but I think he is OK. He's had lots of mucous (I know that's gross), so I think that contributed to the throwing up. He's been fine since and we even ventured out to see Bolt this evening, which he loved.

Today we got our Christmas lights put up outside and the rest of the yard decorations out. I wanted to scream when I plugged in two of the big deer and both had lights out. I hate when lights are out! Fortunately they are fixed and grazing in the yard now (think moving heads and use your imagination). Since our new house (is it still new after 7 months?) is a two story, that makes Christmas lighting a little more challenging. It is super high for the 2nd floor so we decided to skip the lights up top, but after it got dark Jeff decided that we really need them up there. So I guess we'll be borrowing a very tall ladder... from someone.

We also got to visit with our friend Kelley and her two kids today. We haven't visited since right after we moved into the house, so it was very nice! Kelley and I were roommates in college and I am trying to convince her to move closer so that we could see her more often! I keep telling her that she can get a good deal on a house in our neighborhood and that we have plenty of openings at our school each year. :o)

Tomorrow after church I am going up to the school to decorate for Christmas with some other teachers (yep, we do that here in the country) and then tomorrow evening I would really like to get our Christmas tree up to decorate. Chase is so excited and can't wait. Now that the neighborhood is getting all lit up our nightly treks to see the lights have begun. Seems it tis the season and I'm lovin' it!

**Please send a little prayer out to one of our students, Justin, in third grade. I had him when he was in first grade and now I have his little sister. On Wednesday he was riding his bike when he was attacked by 2 pit bulls. His father saw it happen and was able to get to him. He was life-flighted to Houston where he is in good condition, but I can only imagine how scary that was for him. He's had two surgeries already and is scheduled for another tomorrow. I talked to his father earlier and he's in good spirits, but it was a really bad attack. He was very excited to see himself on the news, which was pretty cute. Any prayers for him to continue to heal would be appreciated!




**I am grateful for
1) Christmas lights
2) my grandparents/cousin are home safe and sound
3) movies w/Chase (go see Bolt, it's cute!)
4) Christmas trees
5) visits w/friends

***** Coming soon: Armadillo Eggs Recipe*****

Happy Thanksgiving

A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego two days before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do anything, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

~May you and yours have a blessed and happy Thanksgiving!~




**I am grateful for
1) Thanksgiving
2) time with family and friends
3) delicious food
4) super sales
5) smiles

*Thanks to Stacy for the good laugh above!

Exhale

We are home and Chase is sleeping upstairs. Thank you so much for all the prayers and positive thoughts. After a sleepless night for me I got Doodlebug up around 5:15 and we made our way to the surgery center. I had already talked to him about how we were going to see Dr. N and he was going to fix his ears where they wouldn't hurt anymore so he knew that we were going to the Dr. and was pretty quiet. Our biggest obstacle prior to going back for surgery was the fact Chase was not allowed to drink anything after midnight last night and he was terribly thirsty. He asked for his sippy, searched the bag for his sippy, stared at the drink machine (why do they have that IN the waiting room?), and constantly told me that *they* were getting a drink each time a person would go to retrieve one.

He REALLY wanted a drink!

When we went back they gave him his "juice" and within 1o minutes he could barely sit up straight and was trying his hardest to hold his head up. We went over the final paperwork, spoke with the anesthesiologist, and I kissed my baby goodbye. He was feeling good and waved as they wheeled him away. He was fine, I had the tears. From the moment we walked into our private consultation/waiting room until Dr. N was telling me the surgery was a success and Chase was in recovery it was 13 minutes. 13 minutes that felt like 13 hours. Last time we were able to go back to recovery about 20 minutes after we spoke w/Dr. N, this time it was about 40 minutes and I thought I was going to go crazy.

Getting checked out for the all clear.

A new fashion accessory (and he makes it look good).

Feeling good, really good!

When we finally got back to recovery Chase was still asleep and they were trying to coax him awake with a slushy. When he opened his eyes he immediately tried to get up and to me, so I scooped him up and sat down to hold him. He wanted that slushy so bad, but had a really difficult time keeping his eyes open. It took about 20 minutes and a little crying (reaction from the anesthesia), but we got it down and were given our discharge instructions and released. He slept the whole way home, but woke up pretty good once we got here. He said his ears were hurting, so I gave him Tylenol and then at about 12:30 he crashed and has been sleeping for the past three and a half hours.

Thank you again for all the prayers and positive thoughts. The surgery went smoothly and there were no complications, thank God. Chase did great and I think I did pretty well myself. :o) I'm so glad it's over and pray that this will be our last surgery for a very, very, very long time! I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving, I know we have so much to be thankful for.




**I am grateful for
1) a successful surgery
2) skilled doctors
3) naps
4) the awesome people that kept us in their prayers
5) healing

Remembering to Breathe

Tomorrow is Chase's surgery. We've been through this, I know what to expect, everything will be OK. So why do I dread tomorrow and feel like I'm climbing the walls? I hate, hate, hate that he will be under anesthesia and be in surgery. I remember last time when they took him from my arms. I felt like I couldn't breathe and the walls were closing in. The tears came fast and hard. He was fine as they took him. He'd had his loopy juice and was giddy. I was devastated. He is older now, what if tomorrow he isn't OK when they take him. What if he cries? How will I let him go? What will I do? I'm not sure I can handle it.

The surgery itself was short, 20 minutes after they took him the surgeon was in the room talking to us and telling us everything went well. But those 20 minutes felt so long, like hours and hours. 20 minutes after that we were allowed into the recovery room and I scooped my baby up and rocked him while I cried even more... this time tears of relief. God I hate that we are having to do this again. I hate that tomorrow they will take him from me and I will watch as they carry him away. If only I can remember to breathe, maybe it'll be OK.

Please send prayers, for my Doodlebug and for me. Pray that his surgery will go smoothly and that he will do well. Pray that it will have no complications and will be successful. Pray that I remember to breathe and stay calm. Thank you.

Hugs,



**I am grateful for
1) this time tomorrow, surgery will be over
2) the prayers we will receive
3) a brave doodlebug
4) healing
5) bubble baths

The Twin's Beach

Carly lives in Australia and is a member of the same club I am. It's a club that has way too many members and a club that no one wants to be a part of.... The Mommy to an Angel Club. Carly's son, Christian, was taken too soon and in his memory she created the site, To Write Their Names In The Sand. To honor all of the baby angels Carly gives them their own beach by writing their names in the sand and capturing that moment forever. It is an awesome site.

Since we never got to name the twins, Carly wrote two hearts in the sand in their honor. She captured it for us and then wrote Chase's name below the two hearts so they could watch over him. She also captured that moment for us. When I saw the pictures it took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. In so many ways it feels like my babies were never here. There's nothing that shows they were with us, nothing to show the brief moments we shared with them. It's almost as if they were just a wonderful, perfect dream. These pictures are such a special thing for us. Carly, you are awesome and a blessing to us and so many others. Thank you so much. You can view the Twin's beach below or you can click here for Carly's site.





**I am grateful for
1) noisy boys
2) awesome family
3) Carly and our Twin's beautiful beach
4) Fall colors
5) lower gas prices!

Awww, you love me, you really love me!

Thanks to Amanda for my super cool, "I love your blog award!" I am so glad that we "met" and as much as I hate for anyone to have to go through what we are, it's so nice to not have to do it alone. May the future bring you nothing but happiness and miracles!!!



Ok, so I will (try to) answer the following questions with single word responses. Here goes!

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Where is your significant other? upstairs
3. Your hair color? brownish
4. Your mother? hero
5. Your father? gone
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? good
8. Your dream/goal? baby #4
9. The room you’re in? living
10. Your hobby? blogging
11. Your fear? loss
12. Where do you want to be in six years? happy
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. What you’re not? rich
15. One of your wish list items? baby #4
16. Where you grew up? Texas
17. The last thing you did? read
18. What are you wearing? pjs
19. Your T.V.? on
20. Your pet? cute
21. Your computer? on
22. Your mood? whatever
23. Missing someone? daily
24. Your car? Tahoe
25. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your Summer? over
28. Love someone? always
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? often

OK, the one word thing is tough!

Now, I will pass on the award to 7 other blogger friends :)

1) Dusty @ Crayon Mommy - She is busy baking baby #3, so hopefully she'll have time!

2) Randi @ Shoes, Art and Motherhood - She has been on a blog break, but I'll have to get her to get with it!

3) Stephanie @ Hopping with Joy - She is the proud Mommy to the cute Bean and is very impressive with her Money Saving tips, if only I could be like that!

4) Holly @ For This I Prayed - We met on a IF support board and she recently suffered a m/c. She is one strong gal and I wish nothing but miracles for her future!

5) Cake Wrecks - I know they won't see this, but I love it so much you should check it out. Coming from a professional cake decorating family, I find this site hilarious!

6) Katie @ My Life - Another great blog (also a cousin by marriage). Two cute kids, a great husband, and a wonderful person... can't help but love her!

7) Kelly @ The Yellow Room - She is a fellow IVF and just lost a precious baby boy a couple of months ago. I am praying for lots of wonderful things to come her way.




**I am grateful for
1) clean sheets
2) turkey (I can smell it now)
3) Armadillo Eggs (a.k.a. sausage wrapped stuffed jalapenos, want the recipe, leave me a comment)
4) rain storms
5) Sunday mornings

Do not tell me what God meant, I already know.

**Disclaimer: Sometimes we hear comments that while they are not meant to hurt, they do. If you have never gone through infertility, then it's really hard to understand. Why should those suffering with infertility feel any different about the longings for a family than those who or not suffering with this horrible disease (yes, it's a disease)?

Since losing the babies I have had good days and bad days. Slowly the good will outnumber the bad, of that I have no doubt. It does not mean that I go around hating life or never laughing. I love my life and I laugh and I smile and I live. I simply grieve. I grieve every day, ever hour. I mourn our children that are gone. I have been told that perhaps I should just be happy with Chase. I am happy with Chase. However, would someone tell that to a person who can conceive easily? We want Chase to be a big brother, he deserves that. We deserve that and we will not give up until that dream comes true.

Is it a difficult path we have been put on? One of the most difficult we have ever traveled. Is it worth the pain, money, time, and heartaches? If you take one look at Chase, you would know that answer and why we travel this road. While this is not meant to offend anybody, I do hope that maybe it can help those that don't have a very good understanding just a little bit. I did not write it, but it speaks so much truth.**




What God meant...

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life.

It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?

Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know."

Anon

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**I am grateful for
1) Christmas Lights (here they come!)
2) cold weather = less mosquitoes
3) closeness
4) chocolate milk - Chase would be lost without it
5) determination

A Fryday Contest (yep, I'm a day late)

Remember Baby Stellan and MckMama that I put a prayer request out for? Well, MckMama is having an awesome contest to win a new blog header designed by her! Go check it out! Not only does she rock at writing, her kids are absolutely adorable!!!




**I am grateful for
1) Saturdays
2) safe trips (Duchess is home!)
3) clean houses
4) awesome blogs to read
5) contests... fun fun!

TGIF

I think this is the first weekend that we don't have actual plans in forever. We have stuff we need to do and will have to do, but we're not actually due to be anywhere at any specific time and that.is.awesome! Tomorrow we will be cleaning house. Not fun, but definitely a necessity. My grandparents and cousin will be arriving on Sunday, so we need to do a bit to have the house ready. Sunday we'll have church and then we'll just have a nice, quiet day. I say that and something will probably happen and we'll end up running around like mad! I'm hoping to get some Christmas stuff out in the yard because Chase is just dying for lights to get put up and usually once someone on the street does something, others start to follow. Besides, there's barely a month left until Christmas!

Hope everyone has an exciting and relaxing weekend!




**I am grateful for
1) the weekend
2) lazy days (I hope)
3) the cold, cold weather... lovin' it
4) my warm bed (I'm pretty sure it's calling my name)
5) 2 more days of school until Thanksgiving Break!

I certainly won't be adding that to my list of top 10 fun things I like to do.

Instead of a HSG I had a hysteroscopy today. I can certainly say that without a doubt I will NOT be adding that to my list of top 10 fun things I like to do! Since we do IVF I did not need to have the liquid go all the way to my fallopian tubes, so that was a plus. However, turns out that inserting a camera into your vajayjay requires that certain areas be dilated. Dilated people. Dilated like meaning stretched. Ummm... ouch. There were some numbing shots given, but good grief - dilating a cervix = not much fun. Good news is my uterus is perfect, I even have pictures to prove it. I'd upload them but I don't really want the entire Internet world checking out my insides so I'm sorry to say you don't get to look. *wink* Of course I'm thrilled to know that it looks good, but that just means no answers as to why we lost the babies. I guess God just needed some baby angels and mine were so perfect, he chose them.

I'm off to take some feel good pills and lay down, hope everyone is having a funner day that I did. I could honestly tell my OB/GYN that as much as I like him, I would have much preferred to have been at work with my 18 - 6/7 year olds!




**I am grateful for
1) Thanksgiving is almost here
2) school holidays next week, can I get a whoop, whoop????
3) tomorrow is Friday!
4) I get to see my grandparents next week
5) a perfect uterus (now if we can just get a resident in there for a good 9 months, it'd be great)

What's on your Christmas list?

This Christmas is extra exciting because for the first time Chase got to make his very own Christmas Wish List! Since he's not a writer yet we went through the toy magazines and picked out the things that he would like to ask Santa for. His list has been pretty consistent so he knew exactly which pictures he was looking for! Once we found the right picture I would cut it out and set it aside. Then we got a blank piece of paper and Chase got to glue the pictures down (his favorite part)! He was very excited and I think it turned out great!

Getting all set up!

Here we go!!!

All done, just look at that smile!

Of course I'm posting this in the middle of the day because about 20 minutes after I got to work this morning I received a phone call from the sitter telling me that Chase had thrown up and had diarrhea (sorry, I know that's TMI). Since two of the other boys had gotten a virus last week, I got a sub and went to pick him up figuring that he had caught it. After a phone call into the doctors they pretty much felt the same and called in some nausea meds. However, Chase has not run a fever or had anymore problems. He did tell me his tummy hurt, but as you can tell by the pics he looks like his happy little self. We're hoping whatever it was is gone and he's all better!




**I am grateful for
1) Chase is feeling better
2) Mrs. B who came in last minute to sub for me today, she is awesome!
3) Christmas
4) Wish Lists
5) memories in the making

Tubes 1, Chase 0

While most families are busy traveling or cooking next week on Thanksgiving Eve, my little family will be at the surgery center anxiously awaiting Chase's 2nd set of tubes. *sigh* We had the ENT appointment today and it pretty much went like I figured it would. Bad news is Chase will need a 2nd set of tubes. Good news is that Chase's tubes are not only blocked, they have now partially come out. That means that they can be completely removed and reinserted with one surgery instead of two. I knew this was coming, but I still hate it. The surgery is quick and relatively safe as far as surgeries go, but for those few minutes he is away from me it is pure torture. It feels like the walls are closing in and my heart is beating a million beats a minute. It may only be minutes, but it feels like forever. We really had no other alternative and the moment we were told that the continuous ear infections would leave more scar tissue than the 2nd surgery would we were ready to go. Hopefully this will be the last set of tubes and the last surgery Chase has to endure! Pre-op is Monday afternoon and we'll be expecting a call from the surgery center to give us exact times later this week. I really feel bad he is having surgery the day before Thanksgiving, but it gives us several days to really make sure he is back to his little happy self before getting back in routine. Boy life is never easy, is it?




*P.S. Happy Birthday PawPaw!!!!

**I am grateful for
1) one surgery instead of two... thank goodness the tubes were starting to come out!
2) hunting season cause deer sausage is yummy
3) recess
4) cell phones
5) autumn leaves

What a weekend.

Back on October 1st I purchased Disneyland on Ice tickets (well, I purchases them on Duchess' behalf) for the 3:30 show on Nov. 15 (a.k.a. yesterday). When Ike game through he did some major damage to the venue where the show was to be held so it was changed to a new location. Our original tickets were very, very good seats. We received an email stating that we would receive new tickets that would be comparable to the ones we had originally purchases. Being that Ticketmaster is a relatively reputable company we had no reason to assume there would be any problems with the new tickets... well you know what they say about assuming. Friday I was talking to another teacher who told us that they had received their comparable tickets and they were awful. So when I got home I checked ours and we had gone from our original seats of 14th row floor risers to the farthest section from the stage, three row from the very top. Seriously, WTH? I called Ticketmaster and spent the next two hours on the phone with them trying to get things fixed. I won't go in to all the details, but here's what basically happened: we were just out of luck, they would do a one-time courtesy and refund the money/cancel the tickets (oh yeah, that's solving it), then they said they'd switch our tickets only to all back and say they couldn't do that after all and they had released our original tickets so even those were no long available, needless to say I was livid. In the end I did manage to get us really good seats to the earlier showing but what a nightmare! Ticketmaster did not earn points w/me on this one. Thank God I had checked them before we got there or we would have really been SOL.

Fast forward to Saturday. The show was awesome and the kids loved it. Like I said, our seats were good and we were only about 20ish rows from the ice and could see everything. We had a fantastic time. I have lots of pics to upload and will try and do that really soon. I highly recommend any Disney on Ice productions, they just rock.

After the show we went to lunch and then to the movies. The kids had a very fun day and I think it turned out really well considering that for a bit we didn't even have tickets! I can't wait for the next one!

This was a busy weekend and it looks as if the week ahead is going to be just as busy. Chase has his ENT appointment tomorrow and I really hope it goes well. Tomorrow is also PawPaw's birthday, so we'll be taking some cupcakes over there tomorrow to wish him a Happy Birthday. I'm having my HSG on Thursday afternoon, this is a first for me but I'm guessing it really can't be all that bad. Hopefully I'm right. My grandparents and cousin are coming in this weekend so that they can watch Chase next Monday and Tuesday because my sitter decided that she'd like Thanksgiving week off... nice. I guess that means housecleaning before they get here as well!

Hope everyone had a great weekend and that Monday will be just as good!




**I am grateful for
1) a wonderful time this weekend
2) an awesome Duchess
3) the cold weather (lovin' it)
4) sticky kisses
5) night time snuggles

I would have been...

20 weeks today. I don't even know what to say, I wish I could just forget the weeks... I wish I could stop counting. I don't want April 3rd to ever come, I just want to skip right over it.

The Joys of Boys (with bonus pictures)

Yep, it's the time again! Let me set the scene - Last night we were having horrible weather. Thunder, lightening, rain, you get the picture.

Chase: "Mommy, are you scared of thunder?"
Mommy: "No Chase, are you?"
Chase: "Yes!" "Mommy, are you scared of lightening?"
Mommy: "No Chase, are you?"
Chase: "Yes!"
Mommy: "Do you need to sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight?"
Chase: "Yes please!!"

Now Jeff laid with Chase until he fell asleep in our bed since the storm was raging outside. Therefore he was asleep before I came to bed and didn't wake up until after I was out of bed. Fast forward to this morning when I'm getting Chase ready to go.

Chase: "Mommy, you didn't sleep in your bed last night!"
Mommy: "Yes I did, I slept right next to you."
Chase: "No you didn't because I didn't see you!"

I went on to try and convince him that I did indeed sleep in the bed with him and in fact for half the night he was practically sleeping right on top of me. However, he never saw me so he's pretty sure that I'm telling a fib. Gotta love those little boys!

Now for a bonus picture as promised! Here is Chase posing in his "Dragon Warrior" outfit! He just looks way too big in this picture, but oh so adorable! We'll definitely be enrolling him in Karate/Kung Fu when he turns four.

As an added bonus #2 here are Chase and Mommy at the Wall.E birthday party this weekend! Chase cracks me up in that mask, I wonder if he'll enjoy it as much when he sees this picture a few years from now?!?!

**I am grateful for
1) hump day
2) Disney on Ice this Saturday
3) yummy enchiladas we had for dinner (yes, I made them)
4) sweet tea
5) Molly, I sure heart that bulldog

In Loving Memory of Mac

Every year on Chase's birthday Jeff and I use a personal day and take Chase to have his pictures made before heading to the Houston Zoo. Chase loves that place and we have spent many, many hours walking around and enjoying all there is to see. Everyone goes out of their way to make it a special day for us from the lady greeting us at the tickets to the carousal operator that makes a big to-do and announces that a special birthday boy is riding and then always gives him an extra ride for free. It's just a perfect place. So wonderful that last year we actually had Chase's birthday party there. It was expensive but worth every penny.

One of our favorite exhibits has always been the elephants. Two years ago Houston welcomed a new baby Asian Elephant. It was very exciting for the zoo crowd and they even went as far as to run a contest to name him. He became known as Mac, because he was like a Mac truck. Mac was adorable. You could often find him frolicking with the other elephants or playing with his big rubber ball. He was quite entertaining. Sadly, this March when we make our traditional birthday trek to the zoo, the special little guy will be missing. On Sunday evening Mac passed away after a short battle with a type of herpes.virus. I think it is such a sad, sad thing and my heart goes out to his elephant family and his zoo family. He was definitely a little guy that left this earth much too soon. You will be missed by thousands Mac and we'll always remember you.




**I am grateful for
1) even though we are having horrible weather, our family is home safe
2) Chase is feeling much better
3) We got two wonderful years of seeing Mac at the zoo, we'll miss him
4) Christmas is less than two months away!
5) cold weather coming next week

Damn these tubes.

When Chase got tubes put in his ears they were great because they worked and solved the problem we were encountering. Then earlier this year they stopped working because they became blocked. After a few weeks and some tortuous times for our little guy they unblocked themselves and became useful again... until September. They have now been blocked for three months and Chase is on his third ear infection. To be more specific he is on his third double ear infection since the end of September. So not cool for my Doodlebug. One ear is worse than the other but both tubes are totally useless now. *sigh* He's on a 2nd antibiotic and we are scheduled to head back to the ENT on Monday afternoon. The nurse seems to think we are probably looking at a 2nd set of tubes. Damn these tubes and damn the blockage that makes them useless! I'm so frustrated. I'm frustrated that things NEVER seem easy, I'm frustrated that Chase is having to endure yet another ear infection, I'm frustrated that we are probably going to have to get a 2nd set of tubes which means putting my baby under anesthesia which scares the begeebers out of me, and I'm frustrated that these tubes stopped doing their job. Not to mention this gets really expensive (of course no amount of money could ever compare to Doodlebug's health, but it still frustrated me). I sure hope that the rest of this week goes better and that at least the antibiotic will clear this infection up so he's not hurting any more.




**I am grateful for
1) My smart.flex account
2) MeMaw was home and able to take care of Doodlebug today
3) caramel covered apples... can we same yum???
4) antibiotics and awesome doctors
5) warm slippers, gotta love 'em when you have tile floors!

Say it ain't so.

Yesterday went surprisingly well considering we had two birthday parties that literally started back-to-back and were about 30 miles away from one another. We managed to make both parties and have a swimmingly good time. Unfortunately the birthday boy of party #2, who also happens to be Chase's best-bud, was not feeling well at all so he did not get to enjoy his party one bit. Instead he ended up at urgent care and was diagnosed with strep. Poor little guy. Hopefully he will be feeling better soon since he's on an antibiotic now. Really sucks to be sick, much less sick at your very own party.

After dinner we headed home and that's when all hell broke lose. Saturday morning Chase asked for ear drops (a.k.a. tickle drops) because his ear was hurting. I know that his tubes are plugged from our last ear escapade and figured that maybe there was some pressure and the drops don't hurt so I put some in. I really didn't think about it again... until my son was hysterical in the back seat and screaming that his ear hurt. Deja vu of February 2005 hit (I know I wasn't blogging then, but it was a very not-so-fun first ER experience). I mean literally, he went from fine to inconsolable within minutes. We get home, put the drops in again, give some Tylenol, put pj's on and in to bed. He quickly goes to sleep and is up crying again w/in the hour. We decided not to take him to the ER/urgent care because in the past they will do nothing more than what we are already doing (drops, Tylenol/Motrin) and say take him in on Monday. He actually slept through the night, he just would cry out. Right now he's still sleeping. I'm hoping we can can continue the drops and pain meds and he'll be up to his last party this evening because it's at a jump place and he loves those kinds of things (and it's his cousin's party, so lots of family there).

Please send a little prayer that Doodlebug will be OK. Ear stuff with him terrifies me and I hate when he's hurting. I know it's bad because this boy has got the pain tolerance I do and it is HIGH. So actual complaining is never good. We were told that since the tubes are clogged it could build up and then burst through (we had that happen before) and to be honest once it's unclogs the pain is gone, so if that's what's happening, we want it to do it fast. *sigh* My poor little fella.




**I am grateful for
1) Chase is resting peacefully at this moment
2) Chase's buddy, Cade, is on antibiotics and will feel better soon
3) we had the drops for Chase's ear on hand
4) at least we knew what to do for the whole ear thing
5) Memaw is off tomorrow in case Chase needs to be seen

We're gonna party like it's 1999.

We are either really popular, really crazy, or really loved because we have three birthday parties this weekend! What kid wouldn't go crazy over that? Just think, three times the cake, three times the goodies, three times the fun. I have a feeling we'll be pretty exhausted by this time on Sunday! Nothing like spending some quality (and fun) time with friends and family!

I hope everyone has fun plans for the weekend... enjoy!!!




**I am grateful for
1) birthdays
2) parties
3) time w/friends and family
4) the smiles I know will come this weekend
5) celebrations

I think he's addicted.

Last Sunday afternoon we met up with Duchess for a bit and wound up in Toys R Us "looking" for things that Chase might want for Christmas. Needless to say looking ended up with Chase getting a V.Smile V.Mo.tion and a Wall.E game to go with it. Let me just say that I'm so thankful this is a learning game because I'm pretty sure that Chase has developed an addiction... a strong one. He loves it. I like that it's a learning game and that there are so many different games available for it. Of course I will just be happy seeing something other than Wall.E on my t.v. at this point! If you have a toddler and are looking for a product like this, I highly recommend this one! Thanks Duchess!!!!




**I am grateful for
1) tomorrow is Friday (that is such a given, eh?)
2) the hum of the fish tank
3) "I'm so happy to see you!" - as said to me by Chase this evening when I got home
4) friendly people
5) comments, they make me feel oh so loved

The Future

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." - Abraham Lincoln




**I am grateful for
1) it's *almost* Friday
2) rain in the forecast
3) the future
4) the past
5) bedtime stories

The Will of God

We all know that I've been having a hard time lately, it's definitely not a secret. When we started trying to have a family I was very naive. I just assumed we would get pregnant quickly in the way that most people do. When I learned we would have to do IVF I was still naive. I just assumed that it would work. I went for it with all that was in me. We were blessed with #1 because despite losing a twin, we have Chase. So in a way I was still naive. IVFs #2 and #3 were tough because they didn't work. I wasn't naive anymore. I had been slapped with the reality that nothing was a given, but I refused to give up. Then there was IVF #4. I knew that there was the possibility that it might not work, but it did. I was in heaven. Then we lost the twins and that about did me in. Some days I really wonder if I can do this again and then other days I'm yearning to do it again as soon as we can. We will do it again, there is no doubt really. I'll have an HSG on November 20th, I'll start BCPs in December, we'll do shots in January and then hopefully get a some awesome news in February. Hopefully.

I received the following in an email and it just really hit home right now.

When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."




**I am grateful for
1) November
2) playing games with Chase
3) sidewalk chalk
4) sunshine and cool breezes
5) hugs with noise (i.e. the kind where you squeeze so tight you get a little grunt)