Then and Now

This past Sunday we were at a restaurant when both Chase and Mads simultaneously had to go potty. True story, it just so happens they both had to go at the exact same time, who'd have ever guessed, so off we went. While we were in the bathroom a girl kept staring at me (because I'm so hot) and finally said the "where do I know you from?" We do live in a small town so 9 times out of 10 they know me from teaching, however she didn't think that was the case. She finally pinpointed it and it turned out that we took racketball together when I was at Sam Houston... in 1998! Good God, talk about a really good memory!!! Anyway, I got to thinking and I'm amazed that in 10 years I've apparently changed so little that this lady could still recognize me! I must look damn young for a 32 1/2 year old!! ;o) Does this mean when I'm 50, I'll still look 40? Sweet! The oldest pic I had on the laptop was from not long after Jeff and I started dating in 1998, probably just a few months after I had class w/this girl. Next to it is a picture of Chase and I from just a couple of months ago. What do you think? I do think there is little change, just fatter w/some wrinkles!!!! (Look how young Jeff looks, so cute!)


May time be good to us all!




**I am grateful for
1) less than 48 hours until our transfer!
2) church tomorrow
3) laughing so hard at Rodney last night that I cried... several times
4) and very clean upstairs and almost clean downstairs
5) laundry is almost all done... and folded!

Seriously? An Oct.u.plet Post (retitled - not new)

Our transfer is scheduled for Monday at 8:30! Sooooo excited, I'm feeling really good and even had a dream last night that I got to see our baby's heartbeat (I'm taking it as a good sign)!

I wanted to do a little blip about the new Oct.uplet Mom since I do have friends that read and aren't familiar with IVF. If you haven't heard about the oct.uplets then you obviously are living under a rock. ;o) I can guarantee you with 99.99% accuracy that this lady DID NOT do IVF!!! The only way she could have is if her and her RE are total idiots (which I guess is always a possibility). With IVF it is rare for an RE to transfer more than three embryos and eight would be unheard of. We did transfer four one time, that cycle did not work. She either did injections on her own (you can get the meds, trust me) and had intercourse w/o monitoring or she was doing injections and was monitored very irresponsibly by her RE that proceeded to do an IUI or instruct her to have intercourse. My guess is these are NOT IVF babies and no I will not be having oct.uplets (I bet I've been asked that 20 times since the news broke of these babies and no I'm not offended, but I want people to know that IVF does not produce these high-order multiples). The goal of IVF is one, healthy baby.

I'm outta here to go to Rod.ney!!!!! I'll be back though Oh, if for some odd reason you didn't like the fact I made it clear that they are not IVF babies, just save those comments for yoruself or I will delete them. I only play nice on my blog (usually).

~Kahla

8 is Enough!

After lunch I couldn't stand the wait any longer and called to see if the fertilization report was in. It was and it was g-o-o-d! Out of 9 eggs, 8 have fertilized and are looking good! I was very happy with that. Brandy (my rockin' nurse) said that Dr. G would be in later to decide if we would do a 3d or a 5d transfer and she'd call me back and even told me again what an awesome fertilization report it was. That means that last time we had a 100% fertilization and this time an 89%, I'm totally impressed with those numbers! I really figured we were looking at a 3d since we had less than 10, but when I got the call this afternoon we are heading for a 5d again!!! Yep, you read it right folks, a 5 day transfer! Woohoooo! In all seriousness I was ok with a 3d, but a 5d just seems even better since that's what we had last time and it worked. I will start the evil PIO shots on Friday, can't wait for that! Those are soooo much fun, almost as fun as the ER itself!! (total sarcasm if you didn't catch it) I'm feeling good about this guys and it hit me this afternoon that my baby is growing right now, I just know it!!!

Tomorrow Jeff and I have Rod.ney Carr.ington tickets and I can't wait! Then we'll be cleaning house all weekend since I know that will drive me nuts when I'm on bedrest!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic evening!




**I am grateful for
1) tomorrow is Friday!
2) an awesome fertilization report
3) all 8 of our embies
4) a 5d transfer
5) Mrs. Taylor, she agreed to sub Mon, Tues, AND Wed for me!!

ER complete

If you can have a least favorite part of IVF, then the ER is mine. I'd rather do 50 shots than go through the ER! We came to Houston last night to spend the night at my mom's since she is so close and it was a long night. We are used to the quiet country and she lives right on Richmond (for anyone familiar w/Houston) which happens to be busy 24/7! To the point that at one time a jerk got in the empty parking lot behind her townhouse and was revving his engine as loud as he could. I wanted to go out and beat him! Chase and Molly, the eng. bulldog, were in the bed with us and she started barking and poor Chase rolled over to tell me that, "That person is such a jerk, that is not even funny and he scared me!" Kid cracks me up, even if he did say jerk!

Anyway, we got up before dawn and when we left I had my mom come get in bed w/him so he wouldn't wake up scared. I was worried he'd be furious with me, but Duchess took him to work w/her so he was a happy guy when she brought him back during lunch.

The ER itself was OK. Great nurses, new RE that I had never actually met before. I can't complain though because our RE did not charge us anything for this cycle, we just paid facility and anesthesia fees so I was OK w/the new RE. He was very nice and I knew who he was and had seen him passing, so not a big deal. Unfortunately my right ovary was very big and had folded some and manged to get behind my uterus. They only retrieve follicles over 18 (in all of our IVFs, I think we've only had a couple of immature ones because of this). He got them all off my left but could not really get to my right so he only got a couple. They stress safety and I totally agree. We ended up 9. I'm good w/that. In the past we've had between 6-12, so this is fine w/me.

Due to the ovary issue it was a very rough ER, the worst out of all 5. My first ER I also had an ovary issue and they said it's different every time and this is not unusual. The pain has been pretty bad and they gave me Demerol, which in return made very extremely nauseous and I lost it. We ended up coming back to my mom's where I got sick in the car again, and then again at the house. I'm finally able to sit up w/o keeling over in pain, so I think I'm on the upswing. Chase and Jeff have been excellent nurses and Chase even gave me the coveted BB (blanket) and kitty (stuffed cat) to lay with. They are pretty awesome guys. Molly has been an excellent foot warmer! We are just waiting until rush-hour is over now and then we'll made the hour drive home.

I'm guessing we'll have a Saturday transfer, but should hear something tomorrow re: the fertilization report and transfer. Either has it's pros and cons. Chase is a 3 day transfer so I know they work. The twins we lost were a 5 day so I know they work too. Chase is testing for his next belt in Karate on Tuesday, so if we have a 3d, I'll get to go to that.

I'm going to really try not to focus on numbers and days, we'll see how that goes!




**I am grateful for
1) all the prayers and comments
2) ER is complete
3) my two nurses rock, the little one and the big on
4) hump day, always a favorite day!
5) 9 eggs, please let one or two of those be our future babies!

Just call me insane.

Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. I guess that means I must be insane because by this time on Wednesday I will have done my 5th IVF egg retrieval. I remember when I was still an IVF newbie and would hear about people that had done 4, 5, 6 IVFs. I would think to myself, "are they insane?????" Yet here I am, in that exact boat.

In my heart I know that we are meant to be parents again and that Chase is meant to be a big brother. I have prayed for this so many times and I know that God intends to answer my prayer. I just hope it is with this IVF that it happens. I will trigger tonight at 9:30 and am scheduled for my ER at 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday. We are going to stay at my mom's tomorrow night since she lives literally 10 minutes away from the surgery center and can watch Chase during the retrieval w/o us having to get him up before the crack of dawn. If you are a prayer, a positive well-wisher, a baby duster, or whatever then it's time to send it our way!

Three cheers for being insane! ;o)




**I am grateful for
1) we've made it to retrieval
2) my lining is nice and thick
3) prayers, prayers and more prayers!
4) stims are over!
5) being insane enough or stubborn enough to keep pushing forward (not sure which it really is!)

Bedrest after ET poll

Just a quick note to tell everyone that voted in the bedrest after ET (egg transfer) poll thanks! My RE is pretty strict and says three days of complete bedrest after transfer. In their opinion that translates into laying flat on your side, stomach, or back and only getting up to pee. Ick. It is tough! I've read that there is no evidence that bedrest improves anything so I was really curious to see what others did. It turns out that the majority of you do two days of bedrest. Seems fair to me!

With Chase I did three strict days and we got pg. On IVF #2 and #3 I did three strict days and nada. On IVF #4 I did 2 days of strict and then spent most of day three a little propped up because I just couldn't lay anymore and we got pg w/the twins. So I really think that while it can't hurt, it's not necessary to be completely flat. This time I plan on spending most of the time propped up on the couch watching Mamma Mia and all my other girly movies.

Hoping everyone had a fantastic weekend, we went nonstop and I'm exhausted!!! Last week was rough at school and I'm really hoping this week goes better! I can't wait for Friday night, I'm so excited about Rod.ney!!!




***I am grateful for
1) a good weekend
2) we got to see Duchess and Mads today
3) Chase went to sleep easy last night and tonight!
4) We've almost made it to retrieval
5) I'm finally putting my feet up for the day!

Finally Friday!

I am so glad it's Friday! I swear that the short weeks always seem longer for some reason... wonder why that is. At my appointment this morning it was looking like we'd trigger on Sunday night, retrieve on Tuesday, and transfer on Friday or Sunday. I was a little bummed w/this because as I stated before I really wanted to go to Rod.ney Carring.ton with Jeff on Friday. Well plans changed after Dr. G reviewed my bloodwork and now I'm going to stim through Sunday, go in Monday morning and most likely trigger that night. That means ER will be Wed. and ET will be Sat/Mon! Wooohoo!!!!

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend (although I'm sure I'll be back before then)!




**I am grateful for
1) stimming through Sunday
2) when schedules work out
3) all my peeps that are covering so I can make it to my appointments
4) my girls at the RE, they are always rooting me along
5) TGIF!!!!

A moment in time.

When Chase is older I want him to know that although he was little and won't remember it, he was around on a very historic day. I have to admit, I cheated and took these pictures tonight but I don't care. On Tuesday, January 20th, when Barack Obama became not only the 44th president, but the first African-American president Chase was alive and witnessed it.



Life is full of those little moments!




**I am grateful for
1) a new era
2) little moments
3) a historical day
4) 8 days of stims down!
5) tivo (what would I do w/o it???)

Are you freaking kidding me? (warning: this is a hormone induced rant)

I am so very thankful for the awesome person that donated some meds to me and for my clinic that also donated some meds to me. That combined with what I had leftover from IVF#4 was almost enough to get me through this cycle... until my meds were upped today. Then I was more short that I originally was. Biting the bullet we went ahead and had the Rx called into Free.dom since I pretty much had no other choice... ok, I had no other choice. For 3 days worth of Repro.nex which is just one of my daily shots the total came to $593.10. Can you believe that? $593.10 for three days!!!! OMG! You know it does not cost that much to manufacture these meds! I had to hold back laughter when she asked if we would be charging this to insurance. Obviously she has not dealt with the BCBS I have. Sadly no, we have no insurance coverage so it was all out of pocket. IF sucks.

This leads me to yet another rant about how mad I get when people whine over the price of cribs and diapers, etc. Hello, I'm already starting off $40,000 in the hole so quit your whining. While you are paying for diapers and booties, I'm writing $400 worth of checks every month for IVFs that didn't work or did and we lost the babies. Blah. Maybe they'd like a bite out of them apples. *sigh*

Going back and reading this I sound pretty pissy, but I just hate that this has to be so hard. I told Jeff we just need to take our wedding rings off, go to a bar, get drunk, and hook up for a one night stand. Then I'd get knocked up. ;o) He didn't go for it.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and a good day off if you were off today. I was and loved it. Guess it's back to the grindstone tomorrow. And to end on a good note I have at least 10 follies on one side, a handful on the other, and my lining is already nice and thick. So I guess even though they upped my meds, something must be going right. I'm up to 225 Folli.stim in the a.m. and 225 Repro.nex in the p.m. Sure seems like a lot to me, I'll have to get more information at my next appointment on Wednesday. I'm guessing ER will be early next week.




***I am grateful for
1) Reservations for Chase's bday party are made
2) today was a good day with the Doodlebug
3) awesome weather
4) a four day week!
5) Jeff had a good camping trip

Quotable Quotes

"Dream like they will all come true." - anonymous

I think I might have had a slight breakdown.

This whole IVF gig should be old hat by now and I should roll with the punches. I know that and usually I do or at least I try to. I have no clue what came over me, but I think I might have had a slight breakdown earlier this evening. *sigh* I even got testy with Jeff when he was trying to give me my evening shot. I feel awful about that, but damn it hurt. I just get so tired of doctor's appointments and shots and schedules. My hips are already knotting and usually that doesn't happen until much further in the game. I can't help but wonder if our four previous IVFs have caused scar tissue or something. I just wish we could be normal. All of this and no guarantee for a real live healthy baby. It just really pisses me off and I guess it got the best of me tonight. Perhaps I just need to take a deep breath and focus on the positive. For instance, my ultrasound is showing a handful of follies on each side and my bloodwork looked good. I'll go back Monday for next ultrasound/bloodwork.

Also, I've really been thinking the whole bedrest thing after transfer. My RE requires 3 days of strict bedrest. However, I read that research shows this makes no difference. I'm curious of what everyone else does. Go over to the left side of my blog and take the poll if you don't mind!

Thanks!




**I am grateful for
1) a good appointment
2) a quite evening
3) Jeff is camping with his dad, he loves it
4) 13 pokes down (thank God)
5) so far, so good... for the most part

An official big boy.

It's official, Chase is a big boy. For the last couple of months I have been researching carseats because I knew that all too soon our beloved Bri.tax Round.about would be outgrown and we'd need something new. We have loved our Round.about and have not had one single complaint with Bri.tax. In fact, even when the styrofoam molding got cracked due to our error they sent us a new piece w/in two days free of charge.

I am a safety nut when it comes to Chase and this has been a long road to come to the conclusion of what we want. So many things to consider, but in the end the thing that mattered most was safety. After all, nothing is as important as our Doodlebug! We finally decided to go with the
Brit.ax Re.gent and it arrived tonight! Chase loves it and I must say that it's pretty awesome. It's gigantic, but since we drive a Tahoe there is still plenty of room on each side. I also ordered my niece one at the same time and her's is now in a Toyota Corolla, so even though it's big it must be ok in a smaller car too.

We will passing on our Round.about to a friend and it was kinda of bittersweet taking it out of the place of honor. I remember when we bought it and how tiny Chase was. Now he is so big in it. I could feel my eyes beginning to leak and quickly blamed it on the hormones, but I know it's because this is just another sign that my baby is no longer a baby.

I wanted to give a shout-out to Duchess and she is the one responsible for getting us (and my niece) the Reg.ent and we owe her a huge thank you. She is always doing for us and we are so grateful! You are awesome Duchess, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Chase couldn't wait until tomorrow to sit in it and had to test it out tonight. He gave it a huge smile and a thumbs-up!



On an IVF #5 side note I have my next monitoring appointment tomorrow. I am 6 shots down already and hope tomorrow shows some follies starting to grow. One good thing about doing IVF during the school year is that I certainly don't have the time to obsess!!




**I am grateful
1) Duchess, what would we do without her
2) Duchess is finally feeling better!
3) Tomorrow is Friday!!!!
4) Chase's new seat
5) My growing boy!

IVF #5 is officially underway.

My ultrasound this morning gave me an all clear and bloodwork looked good so IVF #5 is officially under way. I started my shots this evening and Chase refused to leave in case I was scared. He's such a sweetie. I sure hope this pays off and we get him a real live, healthy, baby brother or sister. It would make everything so worth it just to see him a big brother!

My awesome clinic donated some meds to me and although I'm still a little short on Repro.nex, I should be good on Foll.istim. I'll figure out what to do when we get closer. I hate insurance companies, I so wish we had coverage! I guess that's a vent for another day!

Oh yeah, when I walked into my RE's office this morning the song, "Hope Now" by Addison Road was playing. I LOVE that song and actually have the ring tone, I'm going to take it as a very good sign!

Hope everyone had a GREAT Monday!




***I am grateful for
1) clear ultrasound
2) good bloodwork
3) 2 shots down!
4) Hope Now
5) Jeff who is willing to give me my IM shots, I'd be in trouble w/o him!

Babysteps

If you're dealing with IF, going through treatments, or just need someone that will understand I have a great site for you! When I first learned we needed IVF I found a great group of women on Resol.ve who totally got what I was going through. Since I didn't have that in day-to-day life it was awesome. After some no so great trolls invaded Resol.ve a new site was started that was private and made you feel much safer. If you are looking for support, please go to www.babysteps.youknowwhat and sign-up. Trust me, they are awesome!

Mental Sticky Note

~ I love when we are walking and Chase grabs my hand with his tiny fingers. He has the softest hands.

~ Chase did NOT like baby food peas at all and would wrinkle his nose in disgust every time we tried to feed them to him. However, he loves peas now and refers to them as, "little fellas." Neither I or his father care for them so I'm not sure where this love for them developed!

~ Chocolate milk is probably Chase's most favorite thing in the world. I think he could live on it alone if he ever had to.

~ Chase refers to Lit.tle Deb.bie Sw.iss Cake Rolls as "Squish Cake Rolls." Cracks me up every time.




**I am grateful for
1) Today's sermon, it reminded me that my fears are not from God, he does not want me to fear. Therefore I shall banish them.
2) beautiful weather
3) grocery shopping done
4) groceries put away
5) cozy blankets

In her own sweet time.

Just a quick post from school (yeah, I know that's a no-no, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do). AF has arrived albeit her own sweet time. I'll go in Monday for my bloodwork/ultrasound which I've never done on d4 before, but whatever. I knew I shouldn't let myself think that such things might actually happen on their own, I totally know better. Oh well, here's to a miracle come February's BETA! TGIF!

Kahla

Today was one of those days that I couldn't help but ask...

I got out of bed for this? I am not a morning person. Once I'm awake I'm usually good, but the dragging my butt out of bed and forcing my eyeballs open sucks. I actually work less than two miles from our home and when we were childless this was awesome. I had to be at work at 8 so I could roll out of bed around 7:30ish and be there with time to spare. Now obviously I much prefer having our son and would not wish to be in those old shoes again, but since Chase joined the Larson clan that changed my mornings dramatically. His sitter is only 8 miles north of us, but it tacks on a good 30 minutes to my morning commute (of course getting a tea from Sonic does account for about 5 of those minutes but some things are a necessity). Plus we now have to be at work at 7:45 thanks to our extended day so between losing 15 minutes for that and the 30 minutes for commuting I'm now looking at an additional 45 minutes. Now factor in getting Chase up and ready, you're looking at a good hour plus. Gone are the mornings of getting up at 7:30 with not a care in the world!

I thought we had plenty of time this morning, but a missing dinosaur and a jacket that was supposed to be with those other pants (what was I thinking) and a cup of milk that needed to be saved... well plenty of time quickly turned in to leaving a good 5 minutes later than we should have. Then we get on the curvy one lane road that goes to Ms. Linda's only to realize that the 18 wheeler in front of us (who is only on the road to skip the weigh station, I'm sure) has no intentions of going anywhere near the speed limit. Grrrr. Finally make it to Ms. Linda's and back on the road. So much for being to work on time.

Get to work, go to bathroom, look way harder than any sane and normal person should to see if AF has arrived and find two tiny pink spots. Had I not been searching, I wouldn't have seen them. Call RE's and get set up to go in tomorrow for d2 bloodwork and ultrasound. Of course my heart is broken because I actually let myself start thinking that maybe I had gotten knocked up all on our own. Why would I do that? Over 7 years and on BCPs... I'm an idiot. Post a blog post about AF and go back to teaching wild-cat children.

Lunch arrives, I run to the bathroom expecting AF to actually be here and nothing. In fact probably less than nothing because that paper was whiter than white. Figure AF is playing around and surely will be here this afternoon. Check after school, negative. Call RE's office, explain situation, cancel appointment, delete blog post, stupid heart starts thinking... hey, what if you're knocked up again. WTH? Why do I do that?

Hurriedly clean up room so it only looks like a small tornado blew through and get home for karate class. Chase is cranky but is going along with putting karate outfit on so I'm thinking were good. Doorbell rings, neighbor kid wants to play, Chase has meltdown. Decided karate blows along with the rest of life and refuses to participate in class. Totally obnoxious karate mom (OKM) makes life 100x worse by thinking she can solve all of the worlds problems and get Chase to participate at the same time. I really don't like her. I had to tell her three separate times that 1) he was just mad about what happened at home 2) he is not scared of the actual class (he's a pissed off three year old) and 3) you're making it worse! OKM still didn't get it! Class ends, I go to take off Chase's belt since they are not to wear them outside the building and THEN he wants to do karate. Screaming fit ensues, total meltdown in vehicle, and a major headache for Mommy (and Daddy).

Get home tired, cranky, and pretty much just in a super bad mood. Get a call from Duchess who sounds horrible and says she is finally thinking of going to the doctor... good idea. I say I'm worried she will get pneumonia and she tells me my 86 year old grandfather has it right now. GREAT! I'm telling you, I'm to the point where I'm definitely asking myself, "I got out of bed for this?" Surely tomorrow will be better.




**I am grateful for
1) my uncle happens to be in town so he is taking care of Duchess
2) Duchess is finally going to the Dr (even if I have to go to Houston and take her)
3) Tomorrow is Friday
4) this day is almost over
5) my awesome cousin, Randi, is working on Chase's birthday party invites!

Our Tiny Tiger

So, have you been checking the blog to see what happened in Chase's life today that was such a big deal???? Come on, you KNOW you were! Here, let me give you a few hints...

1) He loves the movie Kung Fu Panda
2) He is now an official "Tiny Tiger"
and
3) check out this picture


Yep, you guessed it! Chase has his first karate class today! Actually it's not karate, it's another form of martial arts, but I'll have to get the official name from Jeff because I cannot remember it for the life of me!

When we did tumbling last year Chase liked it but the class was not very organized and it was more like an hour of playtime than an actual class. When Kung Fu Panda came along Chase loved it and started mimicking the moves. We discussed martial arts and figured that Chase would probably enjoy it and kind of put it on the back burner for later. Then during the Christmas break I saw a small flier laying on our counter. I picked it up and it was from a small martial arts studio that recently opened here in our tiny town. They were running a December special where you got a free uniform (hey, that's $50!) and no payments until January. Neither of us know how the flier got on the counter, but we decided we should check it out.

We went by to watch the Tiny Tiger class and although Chase was watching intently, he was pretty shy and I wasn't sure he'd be willing to go out and work with the other kids if we weren't right next to him. The obnoxious know-it-all mom that felt the need to coach us on everything really didn't help the situation, but I smiled and reminded myself that some people are just well, obnoxious! We had to make a 6 month commitment and we were wavering, but a call to Duchess for her opinion and we were in. Rockin' Duchess is even paying for the class as a Christmas present... she is so awesome! So we signed the contract and waited for the New Year!

During our wait we talked about the class and how fun it would be for Chase. We really wanted him to participate without it being traumatic so we did our best to talk it up and make a really big deal out of it. You know, all the cool kids were doing it! Rockin' MeMaw hemmed Chase's uniform and today we made the big debut! Chase did awesome! There are four other "Tiny Tigers" and all of them have been in the class for some time. Chase was a little shy but fit right in and did everything he was instructed to do. They work on respect and safety, which I really like. Miss. Sophie, his instructor, makes sure every "Tiny Tiger" has a big buddy (not sure if that is an every night thing or not) and Chase went with his right away. He had so much fun and really picked up on everything very quickly. I was VERY proud of him!

He will have class two nights a week for 45 minutes, which seemed to be just the right amount of time. I guess when swimming starts back up we'll be a little busy since that is also two nights a week, but who cares as long as my Doodlebug is happy and learning!

Unfortunately, we are behind the students during class (so they will concentrate I suppose) so most of our pics are back shots but they are still totally adorable. The girl with her arms around Chase is Miss. Sophie, she was about to present him with his belt. Right now he is a white belt, but will take his test to move to his next belt at the end of the month. So, ready for more pics???? (sorry, had to take the city out on a couple, don't want wacko people hunting us down!)

They also have homework, that kinda cracks me up and makes me smile. This month they are supposed to memorize the following things:
1) their name - check
2) the city/state where they live - check, check
3) their phone number - since we don't have a home phone I guess we'll use my cell
4) their address - man I wish we had a shorter address... poor kid!
5) their parents names - check, check
6) who is nice to them - Chase told me his Mommy and Daddy are nice to him, so check, check!
7) why they tell someone thank you - Chase said he does this when someone is nice to him, check!

And just in case you were wondering, AF did not make an appearance. I hate when I have no control over things! Ugh. My RE's office says give a few more days and we'll go from there. 4 previous cycles and I've never had a problem, praying I don't have one now!

Have a great evening and here's one more cute shot for the road!






**I am grateful for
1) Tiny Tigers - Chase loved it!
2) Duchess is always there for us
3) Memaw is always there for us
4) Duchess made it to New Orleans safe and sound
5) bills are paid (well most of them!)

Where is she when you want her?

Why is it that when I really don't want AF to show she does and when I do want her to show she doesn't??? When we do IVF we do a mirco-dose of lupron which means I get one lupron shot. I think traditionally most women are on lupron for several days, but everyone's protocol is different. After my lupron it should take 5-7 days to show. I got my lupron last Tuesday morning around 10 and you guessed it, still no AF. Once AF finally debuts I'll start my stims on d3, then that goes on between 10-14 days, then I'll trigger, take one day off, then our egg retrieval, then a 3 or 5 days transfer. After our transfer my RE requires three days of strict bedrest. I hate bedrest. I do it because those are my instructions, but I hate it. It's nice for about the first 8 hours and that's it. Everyone tells me they'd love three days of bedrest, but you wouldn't. It's not like you are hanging out, having a grand ole' time, getting up when you please, and taking it totally easy. You are laying down on your back or side and only getting up to pee. No fun. Last time I did allow myself to sit with my legs up on the couch and that made a big difference, but it's still tough.

OK, back to the real issue of this post since I got totally side-tracked. I need AF to show NOW! This is going to sound petty, but it's another one of those "you would never question a fertile's view on this so don't question mine kinda thing." On the 30th we have tickets to see Rodne.y Carri.ngton. We have been waiting a very, VERY long time for him to come and I would really like to go and see him with Jeff. As it is, if AF were to show tomorrow and our cycle went exactly like it did last time (which no two out of the four have ever been exactly the same) then I'll be on bedrest on the 30th. I have decided that as long as I get 2 good days of bedrest in, then I would still let myself goes. Which means AF REALLY needs to show by tomorrow for that to happen if I stim, retrieve, and transfer like last time. Ugh.

Has this post made any sense? It's really more of a rambling I guess, but where else do I put it? I really shouldn't even worry I suppose since I know it'll all work out how it's meant to. Besides, I have so many other things to blog about. I need to do a mental sticky, a Santa's Wonderland post (kinda late, but I gotta do it), and then I have a post about something special Chase will be doing tomorrow. Let's just hope that by this time tomorrow AF is here and we are on our way.

And yes I'm embarrassed to admit this but the thought that maybe I could be pregnant did cross my mind, but since I was on BCP's that is even less likelier than normal. Stupid thoughts. I mean seriously over 7 years of trying and not one pregnancy... why do I even think those things??





**I am grateful for
1) I am down to 14 kids in my class, sweet while it lasts!
2) the heater, it is COLD out!
3) the recliner, my feet are so tired
4) Jeff cooked dinner tonight, he rocks!
5) first day back at school under our belt

Maybe Baby?

If you've seen that commercial for the V.W.Routan then you'll know what I'm talking about. When Jamie @ Sticky Feet showed her new baby, I of course had to go make our own. I think she's cute, but doesn't look a thing like Chase in my opinion! I'd take one that looked like her though! If you want to make your own visit the Rou.tan site by clicking here! Oh and apparently she was 6 pounds 14 ounces and 19.1 inches long... perfect! ;o) *I guess it's a she, I don't really know!





**I am grateful for
1) silly games
2) Chase went to bed nice and early
3) hopefully no tears tomorrow when it's drop-off time
4) a quiet evening
5) Chase's hand is almost completely better!

What if it doesn't work....

... but then again, what if it does!

I will start my stims in mere days and I refuse to let my fear take over. In my heart I know that God intends to give us another child and he certainly intends to make Chase a big brother. So from now on when I find the what if it doesn't work thought creeping into my head, I'll push it away and put a new one there... what if it does!




**I am grateful for
1) songs
2) goodnight kisses
3) morning smiles
4) we will see Duchess today (I hope)
5) today is our last vacation day, but I know the week will fly by!

The Joys of Boys

"Daddy you are a boogerhead, but Mommy is not a boogerhead because she is sweet."

Now how cool is that to NOT be a boogerhead and where did he even get that from? Boys can be so gross! ;o)




***I am grateful for
1) We barely have 100 days of school left!
2) As soon as AF arrives we'll be on to IVF#5
3) This time next month I will hopefully be pregnant!
4) Today was an awesome day
5) Church tomorrow!