Sunday, August 24, 2008

What the heart has once known...

it will never forget.

I find myself wishing that I could just stop thinking about the babies. That I could move on, focus on the now, and to just forget the pain. The problem is that my wishing is not actually doing anything. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to move on. I've decided that a negative from our last IVF would have been so much easier to deal with than the loss of the twins has been. I wouldn't be mourning the children that we lost, I would just be mourning the dream that didn't come true. I think that would have been so much easier.

***I am grateful for
1) patience (when I have it)
2) quiet times
3) Tomorrow is Payday... thank God!
4) love
5) surprise kisses


Rooney's Little Musings said...

It's o.k. to think about your babies, they are your babies! I know I can't stop thinking about our first or Henry either.
They are your children and you are separated from them, that should never happen.

Anonymous said...

Sending some hugs--I think you are right that losing these little babies is much harder than a negative beta would have been. It just is different and it will take time to heal and you probably never will forget these little ones--I don't forget the little boy we lost up in New York and it's been well over a year now. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself room to grieve. Praying for you as you go through this difficult time!