Saturday, August 16, 2008

The babies are gone...

Thursday evening I miscarried our sweet babies. It was painful emotionally, painful physically, and painful mentally. We were 6 weeks and 6 days. They were so very tiny, not even completely formed yet... but is was very obvious what they were as they passed about 45 minutes apart. I guess even up until the end you think maybe, just maybe this is a bad dream and isn't really happening. Now there is no denial, they are gone. To my body it is now just like a regular period with cramping, so maybe it is moving on. In a way I am relieved this part is over because knowing it was coming and waiting for it to happen was awful. It also means that my number will bottom out and I can quit going for blood work. But then it makes me feel so empty and numb. I should be going for ultrasounds and OB appointments, but that won't be happening. My babies are gone.

**I am grateful for
1) Chase cuddling while we watch cartoons in the morning, even if it's only for a few minutes
2) moving forward
3) the worst of the m/c is over (I hope)
4) tomorrow we have church, I think I need it
5) the weekend is here

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I AM SO VERY VERY SORRY. I HAVE BEEN THERE. TIME IS THE ONLY THING THAT HEALS US. I LOST A 13 DAY OLD AND ALSO A MISCARRIAGE. I TRUELY AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSSES. I FINALLY DID GET A LITTLE ONE THAT I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR. I THANK GOD FOR HER EVERYDAY. FOR SHE IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

kelley anderson said...

Kahla,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have been through miscarriages and know that it is a difficult thing to endure. I will keep praying for you and am here if you need anything.
Kelley

Mommy Daisy said...

**hugs** I'm so sorry.

Courtney said...

Oh Kahla...there just aren't words. I am holding you in my heart and prayers and will continue to pray for your healing on every level.

Sending you so much love,
Courtney

Rooney's Little Musings said...

Kahla,

Your words are so sweet. I don't fully understand your particular pain, but I do feel so bonded to you by our shared grief and our shared hope.
You are NOT egocentric, I have agonized over wanting to tell you when things were going well, but not being confident in my own situation, and then agonized over saying something during a difficult time for you. I pray for you everyday and will continue to. You are so strong.