I will sing his praise!

I think I've said it before, but I'm a prayer. If I haven't said it, I like to pray. There... I'm outted. I am trying to teach Chase to pray. Not just as bedtime or supper, but whenever he feels like it. Although it is SUPER cute when he folds his little hands up at the dinner table and prays with us or how he asks God to bless everyone and everything at night from our family and friends to Shrek and Fiona the Goldlfish. I believe prayers are answered. Chase is my proof of that and he reminds me every single day how important prayers are. I'm working really hard on this right now, remembering how important prayers are, and not just when I want something. Although it's ok to pray then too, you know, when you want something. My biggest challenge is I'm a closet prayer. I like to do it alone, as in all by myself and not with other people around or listening or praying with me. I'm not comfortable in those situations, but I want to get over that. Praying with Chase outloud is my first step.

Anyway, back to prayers. I have asked for prayers a lot lately. For family that is having difficult times, friends that are struggling, and for us during this IVF cycle. I'll admit I don't want to have to do IVF again. I would, but I don't want to. I want to give Chase a sibling and be done. I'm tired of the shots/pokes (hey, I'm at 52 just for this round, but who's counting) and I'm tired of the overall physical, emotional, and financial strain it puts on us. Yes, it has brought Jeff and I much closer, but I don't want to have to do it anymore. I just want to be a wife and a Mommy and close this chapter of our lives. Anyway, I have prayed for strength during this cycle. Strength to make it through, strength to accept the outcome, and strength to not totally, completely obsess 24 hours a day making myself and my family complete basket cases. Most of the time, it's worked.

I had told myself on Monday when I didn't have to booster my HCG that it was a good sign because my body was doing what it should. However, in IVF #3 I didn't have to booster with my second blood work either. Then on my 3rd blood work my numbers had plateaued and I did. It was downhill from there. So today was that day. I joked with my nurse this morning that, "I'm a little bloated, a little crampy, my boobs are killing me thanks to the progesterone, and every once in a while a feel a little icky which is probably all in my head. So a bunch of stuff that means absolutely nothing!" She just laughed and said, well it could mean something.... or it could be the meds. ACK! She also said that boostering is not bad, but I've been there, I know it's the beginning of the end. Anyway, I just got the call and we do not need to booster!! I repeat, we do NOT need to booster!!!!!!! That means my number is going up on it's own!!!! Please let this be a good sign!!! I said, "No boosters is a good thing, right?!?!" She just laughed and said, "Yes, no boosters are a good thing!" Keep those prayers coming, I think we just might be on the right path here!!!

***I am grateful for:
1) NO BOOSTER
2) my embryos that are snug inside me and hopefully staying!
3) dreams
4) the smile on my face
5) the joy in my heart