Emery Update

We are still at the hospital and it is certainly taking a toll on all of us, especially Emery. :o( It is very difficult for a baby that was strictly nursing every two hours around the clock and being cuddled all the time (literally, all the time, which I loved) to being formula fed (don't flame me, I need her better no matter what I have to do) and in an isolate with her eyes covered for 90% of the time. It's hard for mommy too. She did so good the first 20 hours or so and would easily allow us to put her back in there after she had fed and gone to sleep. At this point she just screams, which breaks my heart. All she wants is to be held close to us or swaddled in our arms. She was still nursing as of Friday morning before she took the bottle, but now she has begun to refuse to do that. She'll latch, suck a few times, and then that's the end of it. It is also heartbreaking to me because I had worked so hard to make sure nursing was successful after all we went through with Chase. I am pumping (and not getting much, but something) and giving that to her and praying when this nightmare is over that we'll be able to reestablish nursing.

Our pedi believes that what we are experiencing is probably genetically predisposed on my side of the family. My twin sister, Katie, and I had jaundice, Chase had jaundice, Emery has jaundice... see a trait? Not just that we had it, but we had enough to require lights. (Yes, I had a sister, yes we were identical twins, no she is not alive. She was a SIDS baby and died at 6 weeks. Hence SIDS is my biggest fear, but that is another story for another day.) Basically she thinks it is anemia related and wants to run a certain test, I can't remember the name, to see if that happens to be the case. If so it would tell us that certain issues that could arise down the road are not a problem and that we would need to avoid certain meds. We'll see where this path leads.

When they reran the bili test yesterday afternoon it came back at 16, so this is a good sign. Generally, once it starts to go down, it continues to go down. I pray we are not the exception and that when they run it again in an hour or two (not really sure exactly when they are running it, just that it's this morning and it's already 4:00 a.m., so hopefully soon) it has continued to go down. They did let me take her out, turn off the lights, and just hold her for about 25 minutes yesterday (probably because I couldn't stop crying and the nurse was either tired of it or felt sorry for me). It was by far the highlight of my day. It killed me to know that my time would end so quickly and she would be back under the lights. What I would give just to have her healthy, at home, nursing like she was, and just near me. We take so much for granted and I always seem to find it out much too late.

Thank you for all the prayers that have been sent and are continuing to be sent. If you have a moment, please add the whole nursing thing in there. I know it sounds selfish because I'm perfectly capable of pumping and I know that formula fed babies are just as healthy because both Jeff and I were formula fed and so was Chase, but nursing was a big goal for me and it was going so well. I loved to watch her look up at me with those big blue eyes and just hold her close while she ate. Now I don't know if I will ever get to do that again.

~Kahla

***I am grateful for
1) We have the resources at hand to get Emery better.
2) Chase is safe and sound and OK, even if I miss him more than words can say.
3) Emery's number had come down and even if it was only 2 points, it was better than going up by two points.
4) It's Saturday and who doesn't love the weekend?
5) We have people praying and prayers get answered, I have proof of that and they mean more to me than anything.