Tuesday, November 27, 2007

It's over...

Our BETA fell, it's over. Our baby just wasn't able to hang on. I don't understand why. This was our third fresh cycle, we've transferred a total of 10 beautiful embryos, and now lost two. Thank God I have Chase. We are going in for a consult on the 10th, but right now I just want to enjoy the holidays w/Chase and not be so sad anymore. He is so excited about the Christmas lights and everything else, how can I not be? We will try again, but being selfpay this is a killer for us. And it will have to be a fourth fresh, we have no frozen.

I've already heard the, "have ya'll thought about adopting, what about donor sperm, I would carry the baby for you, have you thought of being tested to see why this is happening?" from several people and it just makes me want to puke. People have no idea. None of those are things in store for us and to be honest I don't want to hear those things. No, we are not going to adopt. I am thankful for adoption, I have a niece through adoption, but it's not for us. Yes, we have male factor, but if our RE isn't worried since the eggs fertilize, neither are we. I don't need anyone to carry the baby for me, hell I had to evict Chase because he was going to grow old in me. And no, we haven't been tested and will talk to our RE at our consult. Anyway, I just don't want to hear those things from people who have no clue. Oh, one more thing I DON'T want to here: "It'll happen when the time is right." I know this. I know it will happen, but that doesn't make me feel any better right now.

I really hope I didn't offend anyone with the above, but I'd rather put it out there than hear those things.

We will try again, maybe in April. I just don't know right now. Thanks for the prayers, apparently it just wasn't time for them to be answered.


Kim said...

I am so sorry Kahla. Just know that there are answers somewhere and Chase is living proof that it can and will happen again. Its the not knowing when that sucks. I wish I had more meds to donate to you!!!

Emily said...


I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how much you're hurting right now. Screw the "it'll happen in its own time" comments. What the hell does that even mean anyway? It's not comforting. It's annoying. Try and enjoy the holidays with Jeff and Chase. Thinking of you.

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

It will happen when it happens. That's what's so damn frustrating because we want it when WE want it. Especially when we're paying for it. I'm so sorry Kahla. I know how bad it hurts. I remember thinking how much our failures had cost and that just added major insult to major injury.

I know you probably don't want to hear this either, but MIRACLES do happen. Our case is a perfect example with severe MF. I'm hopeful that God will be blessing you again, very soon.


crayonmommy said...

so sorry. that totally sucks. your in my prayers.