Thursday, July 19, 2007

Just when we think the sun is gone forever, it peeks out from behind the clouds and you know it's going to be ok...

Yesterday's news still sucks, but 24 hours does make it sting a little less... sort of... well, not really. I always think of myself as the strong one, the one that gets knocked down and then stands right back up. Yet I think I've cried buckets of tears and Jeff has been my rock. Of course Chase helps too, he tells me he wuvs me and shares lots of hugs and kisses with me. What would I do without my two guys?Fortunately I'll never have to know!

That being said, let's talk about this cycle. We had never really let is cross our minds that it may not work, so that made this whole negative stuff that much harder. I guess I was naive in assuming that because it ran so identical to Chase's, we'd have the same outcome. Boy did I learn a lesson the hard way there! We went in to talk to Dr. G this afternoon and he assured us that we had done nothing wrong and that sometimes things just don't work like we thought they would. He said that things had gone just like they should and that we'll never know why it didn't work. He did say that the embryos looked good, but there is no way to do genetic testing and it could have been genetic. That with Chase, he was a perfect embryo (we knew that *wink*) and he took and that maybe these just weren't. Nature likes perfect after all. That having it work the first time and not the second does make it hard, but that we would NOT give up and we WOULD have another baby. He assured me I wasn't too old and that my eggs were not bad... thank God. And most importantly, he reminded me that things would be ok.

Jeff and I have always been willing to do a fresh IVF cycle again, but at $11,000+ a pop, it's not something we can actually afford time and time again. We are almost done paying off Chase and will be paying on this IVF for the next four years. Can I say how much it sucks to make payments on an IVF that didn't work? Ugh. That being said, Dr. G is my hero and has always come through for us. Without us even asking, he went on to say that he would be waiving his fee for us to do our next fresh cycle. To give you an idea, that is about $7,000! We will only be responsible for paying the hospital (about $3,000) and our meds (about $1,500). The only condition is we take a couple of months off so that 1) my body can recover 2) we can recover mentally. He related this to experiencing a death and said we'll go through the seven stages (I think I've hit three already) and that we would know when we were ready again. We need to take time, relax, have some margaritas and then we'll go again.

I won't continue to go on and on, the point it this negative sucks, but we're going to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get back on that pony. I'm excited that we'll be cycling again and I'm excited that it won't be right away. I guess that sometimes when you think the sun is gone forever, it peaks out from behind the clouds and you know it's going to be ok.