Saturday, October 4, 2008

Find a Happy Place

I have never been a heavy sleeper. When I was little I would wake up in the middle of the night to tell my mother things I had remembered about my day. I apparently did this on such a regular basis that she eventually learned to respond to my stories in her sleep. When I became a mother I was so terrified of SIDS that my horrible sleep habits just got worse. I guess I shouldn't say habits though because it's really more of a waking up thing. I simply don't sleep through the night.... ever. I'm tired enough and I wish I could, but it just doesn't happen.

It also happens that I'm a dreamer when I am asleep. I know a lot of people don't remember their dreams, but I usually do. I'm not sure if it's because I am up so frequently or what. Lately my dreams have not been the kind that I care to remember. They are sad and depressing, they involve things I'd rather not relive or thing about. However, last night was very different. It seemed to only last a few minutes or perhaps it's just a few minutes that I remember. I was taking a HPT and it slowly became positive. Since we pretty much have a better shot at roping the moon than getting pregnant on our own, I was so ecstatic. I mean, I actually felt so happy. It was the weekend in my dream so we called our regular doctor to have her confirm it for us. I told her it was slow to show positive and so she wanted to do another. We did and immediately it was positive. I remember thinking that I wanted to just go scream it to the world and couldn't stop smiling. Then I woke up. I woke up so happy, it was a nice change. Of course reality came flooding back all too quickly, but those few moments are so wonderful. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy... how could I not be? I have a great husband, the most awesome son ever, a wonderful family, a pretty darn good live... I'm very happy. I just wish I had that dream become a reality, it would have made such a happy place to be.

**I am grateful for
1) It was a beautiful day to send Granny on her final journey
2) Halloween decorations are up and Chase is thrilled!
3) this time of year
4) insurance finally called about the damage on the Running Bear house so maybe we'll get it taken care of soon?
5) a wonderful dream