This day in time.

Today was a fantastic day for my family. Today Jeff got to see Pumpkin's heartbeat for the very first time. It never ceases to amaze me that something so tiny can bring so much comfort. I remember thinking the exact same thing when I would see Chase's tiny heartbeat on that screen. Blood work looks great, pains are gone (had to be a cyst that ended up rupturing), Pumpkin measuring right on track. We have even been moved from two appointments a week to one appointment a week. Scary, but good. Pumpkin by him/herself is enough to make it a great day, but then we found out that Aunt Candy (who happens to be pretty close to Jeff) is fine despite the fact that she got some not-so-good test results about heart blockage. Turns out the test was a false positive. So between those two things, it was a pretty fantastic day.

I am still almost in denial that on Saturday my sweet, sweet Doodlebug will be four. It just seems so impossible. Every part of baby within him is gone, he is all big boy now. Thank God he still has those cheeks, even if they aren't quite as chubby as they were back in the day. I sure love that kid. He is so excited about his party and can't wait for it to get here. We went and picked up the supplies for the cake (well most of them) and I'm hoping it turns out well. We are going without an example this year, so wish me luck! Fortunately I'll have some back up since Nana (my grandmother), Randi (my cousin), and Duchess will all be around to help!!! Thank God for a cake decorating family! ;o)

Today I am 6w6d pregnant. I miscarried our twins at 6w6d. Does that make today a milestone? I also realized that my due date with the twins is exactly one month away. Four short weeks. By now we would have had the nursery done, the car seats ready, diapers stocked, life would be so different than what it is. I wouldn't be anxiously awaiting to get through the first trimester, I would have been patiently waiting for my babies to arrive. I thank God for Chase and Pumpkin every day, but it makes my heart so sad to know that in one month the due date will come and go for the babies that we will never get to hold, kiss, smell... It will be like they never existed, their time will have passed. So much joy, and underneath there is still that place of my heart that will be forever broken.




**I am grateful for
1) Those cheeks, how can you not fall in love w/'em when you look at that picture?!?!
2) Tomorrow Rhonda will deliver her precious baby girl, so very awesome
3) Aunt Candy had GREAT test results
4) even though time moves on, I will never forget our twins
5) Pumpkin is doing awesome!