Posts
All Comments
With Chase's Big Mickey Mouse 3rd Birthday Bash quickly approaching we decided to put on the mouse suite tonight and try and get a good picture for the invite. This particular picture cracks me up, I just had to share. My kid can be such a dork... and I LOVE it! Who would have ever known that someone so small, that has been on this Earth such a short time, could be so much fun?!?!?!
Infertility does horrible, horrible things to a person. I'm not talking about physically, I'm talking mentally. It drains you right down to your very soul. It makes you want and hate and feel guilty over things that you never thought you would. It makes you cry and then hate yourself for actually giving in to the pain and letting yourself release everything that you keep so tightly bottled up inside of you. I thought I was a strong person, I'm sure I've said that before. The last seven months have seriously made me doubt that. Last night not only made me doubt it, it made me accept that perhaps I'm not quite as strong as I thought I was.
A friend wanted to go up and see our other friends twins at the hospital last night. I had already been up there once, handled it really well, and figured it would be nice to get out of the house and hold the babies again. I was right. It was fine, until we took the stroll down the hallway to walk the babies back to the nursery. Seeing all of those sweet, newborn babies made my heart ache so much for what we don't have. I felt so empty and sad all at once. I could *almost* see how someone would snatch a baby and run out of desperation. How awful is that? I don't know what triggered it all, other than the stupid green-eyed monster named Envy. I tried so hard to push the feelings back, but they remained in the form of a lump in my throat and I'm pretty sure it's still there.
Perhaps I am facing the reality that there is a very good chance we will not be able to do IVF again in June as I had hoped. Let's face it, out-of-pocket expenses add up and a fourth IVF is so much more in the money department than we had ever anticipated. Plus we are buying the new house and that certainly is adding up quickly. Oh, we are up to 6, yes 6, pregnant teachers on my campus. This does not count the one that just had twins. I've been sipping, well more like gulping, the water at the cooler, but I must be immune. Or maybe it's hearing my sweet almost three year old talking about the twins and how he wants to hold them and play with them. He would make such a good big brother and it breaks my heart we can't give him that chance right.this.very.minute.
*sigh* I just don't know. If anyone has the magic cure, leftover IVF meds they would like to donate, or, even better, a money tree lying around that they don't need then perhaps they could just pass it my way. I'd pay top dollar... eventually.
Just a quick congratulations to Lisa, Ricky, and Big Brother Cade on the birth of Kennedy Lee and Korbin James! Mom and babies are doing great and we couldn't be more excited for them! Two more playmates for Chase... yippee!
Kennedy Lee
7 lbs. 5 oz.
18 inches
8:56 a.m.
Korbin James
6 lbs. 1 oz.
19 1/4 inches
8:57 a.m.
Because it turns out that Chase sure does! Last night he had his very first ever virgin pina colada.... yummy! And, it just so happens that right after that, we got caught in the rain. ;o)
Although Chase is *almost* three, I think the "terrible twos" may be trying to make a debut in our household. I swear that there are times my sweet, angelic child turns into the spawn of Satan and becomes a Holy Terror. During these times I try to do three things. 1) Take very, very, VERY deep breaths, 2) Remind myself how blessed I m that I have a healthy child that is able to drive me completely insane at times, d 3) Do my best to refrain from taking said child, placing him in his room, and running far, far away in the opposite direction for a very long period of time. Seriously, I am very thankful for Chase and the fact he's a healthy, happy, totally normal-in-every-way 2.8 year old... But LORD he can drive me nuts (he got that from his father)!
It's during these times that he usually does something very sweet that immediately fills me with enormous guilt for even thinking I should be running. Last night at dinner we were going through one of our all to common lately "I didn't have a nap at the sitter's today so I'm totally overtired, cranky, and just plain pissed off" moments when he leans his head on Jeff's shoulder and says, "My Daddy is my best fwiend." Now seriously, who could resist something so sweet out of his little mouth. Yep I love these moments, even when I can literally feel the new grays sprouting right from the top of my head.
Chase and Madison (his cousin) love eachother dearly. Not a day goes by that Chase doesn't ask about Madison and he often points out "girly" things in toy magazines or stores that we need to buy for her. I can't help but wonder if they will love eachother this much when they are teenagers.... I sure hope so!
As I watched her, I understood why a mother would starve herself to feed a baby; how there was always time and room for a child to curl close to her side; how she could be soft enough to serve as a pillow and strong enough to move heaven and earth. - Jodi Picoult/Plain Truth.
I have seen this quote many times as a signature to a mother on a infertility board I frequent and am amazed at the truth in it. Please send prayers to this mother. She has a beautiful three year old little girl and gave birth to boy/girl twins at just over 26 weeks last October. Her son passed away just a few week later and today her sweet daughter passed away. Words can not even describe the pain they are feeling and how much my heart aches for them. Please send prayers for their strength and courage during this difficult time.
This has been a very hard week. A former co-worker of Duchess' also got devastating news that her newborn son is suffering from a muscle degeneration disease and may live as little as two years. Please send prayers to her family too.
Also, a coworker of mine whose husband was in a very bad car accident last year and miraculously recovered needs prayers as well. Her husband's sister and brother-in-law were in a motorcycle accident yesterday afternoon and were both life flighted to Houston. The BIL passed away before they could get to the hospital and his sister is in critical condition w/multiple injuries. She has remained unconscious since the accident and does not know her husband passed away.
Last, Jeff's cousin will be having his 2nd surgery on the 17th. Please send prayers that goes well too.
I know prayers get answered and miracles happen, I've seen it. I believe in them. There are some things I just don't understand, but then again I guess I never will.
because it is one bumpy ___ ride! Can someone please remind me why we are doing this whole new house thing again??? I swear every time we turn around something is changing or one more thing is added to the to-do list. I almost can't stand it... almost. *deep breaths, this too shall pass!*
has ended because we found out that we are getting the house!!!
Have you ever seen your grandparents pull out the long plastic tube with the days of the week on it? I can even remember being little and helping my grandpa sort his pills into it. One green one in each day, two orange ones on M/W/F, a yellow one on Fridays, etc. Well, I may be only 31 but I think I may need to get me one of those things.
On New Years Eve my sweet Doodlebug was diagnosed with bronchitis. He is doing much better now, but due to his asthma kicking in it has not been fun. He has been a real pro for us, even to the point of doing his own breathing treatments. Of course we do have the minor meltdowns but hey, he's only 2 3/4! Most importantly, I am proud to say that he is learning to share... even if it is germs he's sharing.
I should've known I'd never escape w/o getting it myself. It never fails that I wind up with it at least twice every school year. Apparently it's one of those things that once you've had it, you are susceptible to it... forever. Oh so nice. Yesterday afternoon when my students started saying, "Mrs. Larson, you sound funny!" I knew it was time to give in and go to the doctor. Sure enough, bronchitis and asthma. When I got home I started looking at my meds and the thought came across my mind that perhaps I needed a to find a way to put my 7, yes 7, different meds in some kind of organization chart. In fact, what I needed was a pill organizer! See, I told you... if you could only see my piles of meds, you'd think I was 90!
**P.S. No news on the house... yet**
Two. Two is the number of bidders going against us on the house. All final bids were due in at noon today and it's now just a waiting game. Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE waiting! Ugh!!
Looking back 2007 was certainly a year of happy times and sad times. A year of growth and a year of what felt like standing still. I'm always amazed at just how much can change in one short year. When you think about it in the grand scheme of time, 365 days is just a drop in the bucket.
Going in to 2007 we had so many high hopes. I can remember thinking that this time next year (so now) we would have a sibling for Chase on the way and maybe even be in a new house. Obviously so far neither of those have worked out, but they will in time.
Despite our heartbreak from 2007, we experienced so many wonderful things. Chase has grown from our baby to a toddler, and while I love every minute of it (almost) it makes me sad in some ways that he has become so independent. There are many times I wish I could just scoop him up and hold him in my arms like I used to. He constantly amazes us with the things he can say and do. He has entire conversations with you now and can remember things that happened months ago as if they happened yesterday. I know I'm a bragging Mommy, but he just seems so stinking smart that it's scary!
I know that we hit hurdles in 2007, but I have no doubt that 2008 will be a wonderful year indeed. We are going to look for the positive and kick the negative to the curb. We should hear something on the new house by the beginning of next week and in just a few short months we'll be attempting IVF#4, so we'll focus on getting healthier and happier in the meantime.
Here's wishing all of you a very Happy New Year filled with miracles and happiness... may all of your dreams come true.
