HaPpY NeW YeAr!

Once again we are watching Mamma Mia! (does my husband love me or what) and just hanging out while ringing in the New Year. It's so hard to believe that 2008 is over and 2009 is just around the corner. We had so many dreams and hopes for 2008, some came true and some just never got the chance to be. So many memories, good and sad.

I'm going to go into 2009 with my head held high, a heart full of hope, and trust that better things are yet to come!!! From our family to yours, may all your dreams come true in 2009!




**I am grateful
1) a new year
2) new hopes
3) new dreams
4) new smiles
5) new memories

That unconditional, #1, completely smittin, head-over-heels kinda love.

There is nothing in the world that can possibly compare to the love you feel (or will feel) for your own child. Before Chase was born I often wondered what this "unconditional love" I had heard about really was. Don't get me wrong, I had love in my life. I loved Jeff and my mother and would give my life for them in an instant. Sure, that is unconditional love, right? Yes and no. I was always told that regardless of how much of a love it was for spouses and parents, the love you will feel for your child was different. It was a love so strong it could make you laugh and weep at the same time. It could make your heart leap and break in one single beat. It was so strong that it could make you stand taller than you ever had or bring you to your knees in a blinding flash. I pondered this. How could any love be stronger than what I already felt in my life.

When we did IVF#1 I knew I wanted a baby. When we found out it worked we were thrilled and I loved that baby, but I distinctly remember wondering when that love-of-all-loves feeling would kick in. The day my BETA dropped and we found out that 1) we were losing the baby or 2) we were losing a twin I realized just how much I wanted and loved our baby. We were blessed and despite losing a twin, Chase was OK. During the months of my pregnancy Jeff and I would talk and I would tell him that when the baby came, I would no longer be #1 in his life. He would laugh it off, tell me I would always be #1, and eventually the subject would change. As my baby and belly grew, I became closer to our unborn child and my love became stronger and deeper. However, I still wondered when that unconditional love would hit. Would it feel different? Would I know it? I thought about it a lot.

When Chase was born I was head-over-heels, 100%, completely smitten, totally in love with him. I thought, "this is the moment, I could never love him more than I do right now." However almost four years later, my love for him continues to grow every single day. It may sound impossible or stupid, but it's true. Every smile, every laugh, every stubborn moment, silly story, hug, or kiss makes my love grow. An unconditional, I would do anything for him, he's my #1, kind of love. And I know that his Daddy is the same.

Tonight I went to a visitation for a co-worker of mines 23 year old daughter. This was her only child, her bestfriend. Her daughter's death was sudden and completely unexpected. Only 9 short months ago this same woman also lost her husband very unexpectedly. My heart is shattered for my friend. I can only imagine the grief, the anguish, and the pain she is feeling right now. I lost my babies, but I cannot say that I know how she feels. I can't imagine raising a child for 23 years, loving it, nurturing it, and then having that child taken from me. I can't imagine it happening after any number of years, months, days, hours. My mother once told me that if you can make it through the loss of a child, you can make it through anything. God I pray I never have to experience that.

As I hugged J, I simply told her that I didn't even know what to say. What do you say to someone that has just lost their child? She told me that it was OK, just to make sure I hug Chase every chance I get because they are only here on loan from God and we never know how long we will have them. It was such a beautiful and sad thing. I couldn't help but cry with her. I cried because my heart aches for her as a woman, as a parent, as a friend. Yet in her time of sorrow, she was a light that reminded me just how much I have and how much I love. May our prayers we with her.




**I am grateful for
1) the love I have in my life
2) little wonders
3) heartaches (sometimes they make you realize what you have and just the things you don't)
4) we still have 6 days of break left
5) it actually feels like winter

Better Late than Never

Just a quick note to say that if you were waiting on a Christmas card from us, they finally went out in the mail yesterday... oops! Turns out that I don't purchase stamps very often and since my last purchase they have gone up by a penny. Since you get purchase 1 cent stamps anywhere except the post-office (which closes very early in our little town) I finally gave in a bought a book of new stamps! Sorry for the delay, guess it's a good thing they said Happy Holidays this year and not Merry Christmas!




**I am grateful for
1) a husband who is willing to put all the toys together!
2) Chase's hand is looking MUCH better!
3) still one whole week of vacation left
4) 2009 is going to totally rock
5) Winter (well what we get) is supposed to officially be here!

Update on Chase

I noticed that I said strep in the last post, but what I meant was staph. Apparently I was REALLY into Mamma Mia! ;o)

Since having a severe staph infection in 8th grade that landed me in the hospital not once, but twice and then with a port/at home antibiotics and home health-nurse for the next 6ish months I am really leery about staph infections. Not to mention what Jeff's cousin is going through with one right now. Staph can get serious fast and it is nothing to fool around with.

Since Chase's hand looked no better this morning we were off to the doctor bright and early. Of course his only wish was that they not pop it, but we all knew that was one wish that would not be coming true. Since there was only one pedi on today and a building full of sick kiddos we saw Amy, the RN, who rocks. She is one of those ladies that is just super friendly and is always there when you need her. I love our pedi's office and was glad they could fit us in. Much to my dismay Amy said that it does indeed look like staph and much to Chase's dismay it needed to be lanced and cultured.

It took a total of four of us to hold Chase down so that we could get it lanced and swabbed. That had to be one of the hardest things ever for me to do. I was at his shoulders/head and he screamed and begged for us to let him go. It quickly turned into pleading and big crocodile tears which just broke my heart. It'll take three days (so Monday) to get the results of the culture, but we are treating it like staph and he's on an oral antibiotic and a topical one. We will be monitoring it closely and if it takes a turn for the worse we'll head in immediately.

Thank you again for the continued thoughts and prayers for Doodlebug, I'm always so thankful for family, friends, and prayers!




**I am grateful for
1) TGIF!
2) Chase is on antibiotics
3) we were able to receive good medical care
4) Christmas was wonderful
5) prayers!

Happy Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!

***Please note that I have not gone to proofread this before publishing because I was watching Mamma Mia!!!! I will come back later, please ignore typos!! :o)

Christmas Eve brought much hustle and bustle to the Larson household. We had goodies to make, last minute errands to run, a few gifts to wrap, a beautiful Christmas Eve Candlelight service to attend, and a wonderful family gathering for Jeff's side of the family. It was a wonderful evening full of family and celebrations. Jeff's cousin, Wade, is only a week older than me and has been battling cancer for quite some time now. He has gotten a wonderful report back that he is cancer-free, definitely a great thing to celebrate.

Chase and Kaden looking for Santa!

By the time we got home Duchess had arrived and we were all thrilled to see her safe and sound. If you heard about the plane crash in Denver, let me just say that she was originally scheduled to return on THAT flight but got a nonstop flight last minute and switched! Thank God, that is so very scary to me. We got Chase into his Christmas pajamas and put out our cookies for Santa and carrots for Rudolph, then tracked Santa on the computer before making our way to bed.

Ready for Santa and Rudolph!

Santa came!

As Chase fell asleep to a Christmas story by Daddy, we finished wrapping a few more gifts and all was put under the tree. I nibbled on carrots and then eventually Jeff made his way back downstairs for a snack of cookies and milk. ;o) We decided to put Spike the Dino together to place in front of the tree instead of wrapping him so that he could be charged and ready to play! I think we finally made it to bed around 1:00 and were back up around 7:00 to put on the turkey.

Chase actually slept rather late and was a tad grumpy upon wakening. However, that quickly changed when he we were coming down the stairs and he peeked around to see that big green dinosaur looking at him! The smile was priceless and I think had he only gotten that one gift, he would have been thrilled. He spent the next hour playing and laughing with Spike before even considering opening another present. Around noon my brother, his fiancee, her little girl, and Madison arrived for lunch and we had a very nice time. All in all it was a wonderful holiday. In a way I'm sad it's over because Chase loves it so much and all too soon the lights will come down and the tree will be put up until next year.

Chase meeting Spike!

Such big smiles!!

I do have one little prayer request though. A few days ago Doodlebug was crawling around on the floor when he scratched the palm of his hand. It wasn't anything bad, but it did break the skin. It was red but looking OK until about 6 hours ago. It has developed a huge puss pocket and a red streak down the center of his palm. We know not to pop it because as long as it's closed, it's sterile. However, after having a severe (as in life-threatening) staph infection when I was 13 and Jeff's cousin (a different one than above) having a severe one right now, this is highly concerning to me. We will be going to the Dr. tomorrow and I'm sure they will want to lance it. Please say a prayer that Chase will be OK and this will heal quickly and without any complications. Thanks!

I hope that every one of you had a wonderful Christmas and that all of your Christmas wishes come true!




**I am grateful for
1) a wonderful Christmas
2) wonderful celebrations
3) new memories
4) traditions
5) prayers for my Chase

Chase, You are My Miracle

A couple of years ago I came across a book written by Maryann Cusimano titled, "You are My Miracle." As I read it, I was immediately brought to tears and fell totally in love. It was so simple, yet it says so much. The mother explains to her young son how they complement each other -- "I am your hot cocoa; you are my marshmallow" and "I am your Santa Claus; you are my Christmas elf," for example -- and are better off with each in the other's life.

I wish nothing more for all of my friend's dreams to come true this holiday season and for them to have their own wonderful miracles.

Chase, I am your Mommy and you are my miracle. I love you little guy!




**I am grateful for
1) my miracle
2) the smiles I will see
3) Santa is coming
4) family is here
5) memories in the making

Happy Holidays!

**I am grateful
1) Christmas shopping is 99.9% done and will be completed by this time tomorrow!
2) Wrapping is also 99.9% of the way done!
3) Our friends Dusty and Brian have a new, healthy, baby boy!
4) no work tomorrow!
5) house is still pretty clean!